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Song Parodies -> "Hogwarts Express: The Railway Train"

Original Song Title:

"Skimbleshanks The Railway Cat"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Hogwarts Express: The Railway Train"

Parody Written by:

Kim West

The Lyrics

This song has to be by far the most challenging lyrics I've ever had to write. T.S. Elliot makes it all seem so very simple, but it is anything but. I must confess that I ran out material to write about rather early on, but I really liked the concept of this song. I padded quite a bit, and even created a scene with Hermione searching the train for Ron and Harry. This scene does not occur in the second book or movie (just thought you ought to know).
Hogwarts Express, the railway train,
is ready to take you aboard.
Go to Kings Cross Station,
and do so without hesitation
September first it's ready to depart.
Saying, "Platform, Where's the platform?
Harry's trying to find the platform
He must find it cause the train's about to start!"

All the guards and all the porters
help look throughout all the quarters
A boy is searching high and low
Saying, "Trevor, Where is Trevor?
For unless he's very clever
Then that pet toad just can't go!

First years Harry and Ron soon become best of friends
A witch pulls a teacart filled with lots of treats
Bernie Beans for me, and a chocolate frog for you
With Hermione the trio's now complete.

Then we're here at last, it's Hogsmead Station.
Hagrid signals, "First years here!"
Now across the lake to the northern shore;
Hogwarts we're finally here!

Hogwarts Express, the railway train,
is ready to take you aboard.

Harry and Ron's second year,
and now it was pretty clear
They'd miss The Hogwarts Express.
From hijacking a flying car to racing with the train
They would survive the willow more or less

Down the corridor she paces
and examines all the faces
Hermione tried to find Ron and Harry
She established control
by a regular patrol
Hermione began to fuss and worry.

She would ponder without blinking,
And you knew what she was thinking.
And it's certain she didn't approve
Of her friends not appearing
And just what were those two scheming?
She'll make them talk and then the plot can move.

Now onto to year three
Siruis is now free.
And Demnentors are on the hunt
Harry's in trouble, but Lupin saves the day.
When Dementors came on board.

Lupin simply waved his wand
A patronis and they'd be gone.
Then chocolate you must eat
A cure that's a yummy treat.
Eat every bit of it till it's all gone.

Lupin's the new professor
Yes The Dark Arts Professor
He'll be sure to put your mind at ease
Still, he has a few dark secrets
And I'm sure he has some regrets.
Just don't see him when the moon's full if you please.

The years go by so slightly
And The Express shines so brightly.
A steaming locomotive that can't go wrong.
Because it's made of magic
A truly special magic
Which make the crimson engine very strong.

The Express makes its run to Kings Cross Station,
London, and Hogesmeade.
It will make this run at least four times a year.
And it's always on time never have a fear.
You can get on board The Hogwarts Express
The best railway train indeed.

Hogwarts Express, the railway train,
is ready to take you aboard.

Let us just skip year four
Because it is such a bore.
Nothing new except for Ron's pet owl named Pig.
Still he's really fun to watch
When you give him a drop of scotch.
Seeing him zooming here and there, it is Pig!

Onto year five for Harry
Which was so contrary.
That Ron and Hermione were made Prefects.
They were mingling all the while
Harry was still in denial.
For Harry's world, life never seemed to be perfect.

Well things could be worse,
Seeing things might be worse.
Miss Luna Lovegood sees every odd thing about
She knows much more than Harry
Which is really rather scary.
Soon the truth must really start to come out.

So we wait for another year to pass.
For The Hogwarts Express!
It'll show without fail
Its stories you'll regale.
Hogwarts Express: the railway train.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stuart McArthur - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
well, this deserves better than a HarryP non-fan initial comment, but here I am! - fantastic effort Kim - DK what you're talking about, but keep writing 'em - I'll be reading 'em - 555
Kim West - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you Stuart for your very kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the song despite the fact you don't really know HP.
Rex - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
A magical parody. I wish I was more familiar with the original song - I see several spots where it looks like you played off the original.
Kim West - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Hi Rex! Yes, fortunately the original song mentions enough train material that the merging of lines became a bit easier. Hermione doing regular patrols and such were pretty much parallel to the original song. Also, Ron never gave his pet owl Scotch to drink (at least J.K. Rowling never brought that subject up). I'm very pleased you liked my song considering you also did a song based on "Cats" today, and that was just as magical for me to read.
Apricot - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Meh, it was good. I just get sick of Harry Potter. Mostly because people around me always rave about it. But I enjoyed this. 5-4-4.
Charlie Decker - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but great job from a fellow Potter maniac!
Jeff Reuben - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
I missed this, even after you sent me the link, sorry =) Well written, I'm always up for a good Potter parody.
Kim West - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks again Apricot for your words and your voting.
Kim West - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
You've never seen the musical "Cats"? Oh, well, some may say you are fortunate, but I have always enjoyed it myself. It has a certain bit of magic to it as well. At any rate, I am glad you enjoyed my parody Charlie.
Kim West - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Jeff! ^-^ I was beginning to think you hated this song and was simply too polite to tell me publicly. I am most relieved that is not the case, and I am even more glad to know you liked my little romp on The Hogwarts Express.
Leo Jay - March 24, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm not an HP fan, but great job!
Agrimorfee - August 24, 2005 - Report this comment
I think I read your other Cats/HP parody, too. I love both, ("As I ought to have told you before" ;)). A lot of work went into this, but the pacing is very, very tricky and integral. I bet you could take this back and revise it to perfection.
Cat Defender - March 08, 2018 - Report this comment
What a wonderful song! This is so much fun to sing! (A lot of B'way parodies are, honestly, but this one is GREAT!)

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