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Song Parodies -> "Speaker of the House"

Original Song Title:

"Master of the House"

Original Performer:

Cast of Les Miserables

Parody Song Title:

"Speaker of the House"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I realize that this title sub has been done the odd time already, but I had to write something to "celebrate" Kevin McCarthy finally landing the job he wanted so much. So very much. Way too much, as he basically had to give up his credibility, his job security and any chance of maintaining control in order to finally land the job.
Welcome, Mesdames, and you Messieurs
Now you elect the next Speaker of yours
Who would be best? There'll be a poll
But there's one guy who *so* wants the role
Seldom do you see
Grovelling like he:
Kevin McCarthy
*Really* wants to be

Speaker of the House, whatever it takes
Sell your soul to Satan (or at least Matt Gaetz)
Giving up on this, letting go on that
Think he might stay speaker for ten minutes, flat
Such a big display of weakness
Seems to think that strong is wrong
And stuffing up his bluffing
I can't see him lasting very long

Speaker of the House, keeper of the zoo
[Al]ready ceded a committee head or two
Everyone'll laugh - him laying down the law?
Don't it make you wonder what the speaker's for?
Everybody hates a groveller
Everybody's hates a wet
All those he appeases
Jesus! Ain't he so far in their debt

Speaker of the House, we hear it unfold
"Call me Mr Speaker", all his interns told
Hubris of the man that they must endure
Ain't the only thing in which he's premature:
Already corralled the office
Already picked out his desk
But touch him and he creases
Jesus! Ain't it so very grotesque

Voting now, he's lost; and he lost again
Having yet another vote is well insane
Crossing his red lines, putting up no fight
Grovel for the gavel to the extreme right
Call themselves the "Freedom Caucus"?
Freedom from all discipline
Holding members hostage
Stockholm syndrome kicking in

What's he given up? Given up his clout:
One member to start kicking the Speaker out
Wanting budget cuts - ain't that a surprise?
Someone else's wishes get prioritized
Places on the Rules committee
Those supporting him do not
If he gets the gavel, it'll all unravel
Kev'll grovel to any crackpot

Started to think his odds were remote
But God Almighty, on the fifteenth goddamn vote?

Speaker of the House? Finally got the role
Such display of weakness gotta take its toll
Cunning? Well he ain't, hasn't got a prayer
Thinks he's a Pelosi, but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature ended up with such a louse?
God knows he won't last - a walking disaster in the house!

Speaker of the House!
Pitiable chump
Placater and apologist
For Donald Trump
Servant to the crazed, trampler on his mates
Hypocrite, appeaser who'll capitulate
People voted for this doormat?
People voted for this mouse?
He's elected for the job?
Even though he's such a knob?
Finally got the job he wanted as the Speaker of the House!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.7
How Funny: 1.7
Overall Rating: 1.7

Total Votes: 52

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   43
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Dacey - January 12, 2023 - Report this comment
Bravo. Nicely done. Especially like the 'grovel for the gavel' line. I had started a couple of attempts based upon songs with a number in the title but the balloting kept blowing past the digits referenced in the song. I wasn't fully sure that they'd tire of humiliating Kev before my next choice: Seventy-Six Trombones.
Leo J - January 12, 2023 - Report this comment
Fantastic job with a fun and very challenging OS. Some brilliant internal rhymes in there.
Kristof Robertson - January 14, 2023 - Report this comment
A sharp, witty and brilliantly constructed take down, Phil; I'd expect nothing less from such a talented parodist. It's a crying shame that Amiright appears to have become a haven for talentless trolls who wouldn't know great writing if it bit them on the Arsenal. 555, of course
Agrimorfee - January 16, 2023 - Report this comment
Briliant, as to be expected, and uno-bombed as to be expected. Ain't it funny how many complain how the 555s votes get stuffed 13 times for basically anything, but good writing on the side of liberty gets trounced with 111s 40-plus times? hmmm.....
Phil Alexander - January 19, 2023 - Report this comment
My word, it's like an Old Amirighters' get-together, thank you all :-)

John - yes, for a bit it did seem like it might go on ad infinitum; but I guess Kev's desire for the job was so great he gave in to, well, *everything*. Quite sad, really.

Kristof - I'm kind of glad that Chucky has kept it going all this time, nonetheless. I'd hate this sort of historic repository to vanish. A login for comments would still be appreciated, though: so many brainless idiots seem to think that submitting something inane under my (or other's) name somehow means they win an argument. So pathetic, they might even be running for Speaker soon. Hey, I wonder if one of them is George Santos?
poomaster - January 21, 2023 - Report this comment
I may be returning as well!
Phil Alexander - October 04, 2023 - Report this comment
Well, this aged.. pretty much as expected. Didn't make ten months, and brought down by the people he had to appease to get the job who took against him because he refused to cause a shutdown. Another first for Mr M in the Speaker of the House role.

Who thinks he'll try for re-election back to the speaker's job? :-)
eel deal - October 06, 2023 - Report this comment
many are seriously pushing Conald Grump for Speaker. that might be his only path back to the White House, since Speaker is 3rd in line, and an execution of P & VP is all that would be needed. it's not unreasonable to think that some in the right wing are evil enough to actually consider that. Conald said he's open to being Speaker.
Phil Alexander - October 07, 2023 - Report this comment
I can't see Trump becoming speaker: it's a job, he'd have to put in the hours and learn an awful lot of procedural stuff, which he's simply not capable of doing. Even if he had the time with all his upcoming court cases. Though I can see why a completely inept Speaker would appeal to Gaetz: it would mean no legislation got through the House at all.
eel deal - October 07, 2023 - Report this comment
House does have a rule that prevents someone under indictment from leading, but that rule could be altered. Grump endorsed Jordan for the job, so i guess that ensures the next Speaker is Jordan?

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