My mother has a crush
It is on Bryan Ferry
When she catches his voice
It makes her go quite funny
My dad doesn't mind
He's used to all sorts
So my mum does get sent
When she hears voice of Bryan
Just like this

You know, there's nothing
Works like him
Can't find one thing
Works like him
Ooh, there's nothing

It was odd for a while
Are mums meant to have crushes?
Now she's fifty-something
And gets such bad hot flushes
No cares if we know
We just accept
She goes funny each time
There's nothing that gets her
Quite like him

We can find nothing
Works like him
Tell me something
Works like him
Must be one thing
Can do this
Something
That does this
Works like this
Something?

(instrumental to end)