It was a presidential nightmare, the worst I’d ever had,
With every former president, it really was that bad.
There were the late great, the near great, and some that brought us shame,
A presidential nightmare that drove me insane!

There was Franklin Fillmore, Millard Pierce, I knew that couldn’t be.
Gerald Carter and Jimmy Ford, they wrecked the economy.
Calvin Hoover ‘n Herbert Coolidge, well, that was quite a push,
And George Obama had to fight the wars of Barack Bush.

There were Lyndon Nixon, Richard Johnson, many soldiers died.
Bill Taft and William Clinton made me wanna cry.
Warren Grant and U.S. Harding tried to steal some dough.
James Lincoln and Abe Buchanan forced a civil war.

It was a presidential nightmare, the worst I’d ever had,
With every former president, it really was that bad.
There were the late great, the near great, and some that brought us shame,
A presidential nightmare that drove me insane!

There were John Jackson, Andrew Adams, they didn’t like the Whigs.
James Washington, George Monroe, well, they were really big.
Zachary Arthur, Chester Taylor, unknown to common folk,
And have you heard of James van Buren or of Martin Polk?

There was Benjamin Cleveland, Grover Harrison, Andrew McKinley, William Johnson,
Harry Hayes, Rutherford Truman, Thomas Davis, Jefferson Jefferson …. Jefferson Jefferson???
Dwight Wilson, Woodrow Eisenhower, Donald Trump?!
And that’s when that smartphone woke me up.

Boy, when that smartphone went off, I jumped out of bed, I was running around the room, looking for a brick to throw at the TV, looking up migration to New Zealand on the Internet….