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Song Parodies -> "I Never Got My License"

Original Song Title:

"We Didn't Start the Fire"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"I Never Got My License"

Parody Written by:

Glenn Walker

The Lyrics

NOTE BEFORE READING: I kept the commas in their original positions as an aid to readers. For instance the original second line reads "South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio." The parody line reads "South Pacific, Mom and Dad I, don ‘t know where to go," with the comma after I, rather than after Dad. The total number of syllables never changes throughout; but the syllables by phrase sometimes do. I found that this made it easier to keep track of where I was in the line as I sang it back to myself.
Left turn only, Right Hand Lane, Lane Changes, What a pain,
South Pacific, Mom and Dad I, don ‘t know where to go,
Enter Hither, Exit nowhere, GPS will, give me gray hair,
If I drive to, South Korea, How would I get home,

Sign says “Keep, up Speed,” Cars in front, don’t agree,
Sign says, "Four miles ahead, there’s an accident cleanup,”
Sign says “Get your, vaccine,” How will that affect my spleen,
Sign says “no U, Turns” I guess I, will not make one, Time’s up,

I never got my license
I tried hard to study
But the test got ugly
I should have got my license
I should go and right it
But instead I’ll fight it

All these signs con,fuse me greatly, “Who’s driv,ing” I ask stately,
I’m just sitting, still here in this, big traffic jam,
Got some, sudoku, here with me to, occu-,
Py my mind. Hey, This feels like a scam,

Deer xing, What’s next, I don’t wanna see deer x,
No Trespassing, One Way No, Soliciting, Kids at Play,
Something, with a P, crossed out Red Light, Light’s green,
Tow Zone, Everywhere, Even if it don’t say,

I can not read the road signs
There are far too many
So I queried Jenny
She couldn’t help me read them
But she is only six. It
Is too hard to fix it.

Pick a gear, Any gear, I’ll stay in it, without fear,
Don’t know, how to use, clutch so I just grind by,
People say, I waste gas, Using first gear to pass,
Dark weather’s fine with me, I don’t mind it that’s no lie,

“Buddy can I, help you,” It would ov,erwhelm you,
Muffler, Transmission, Carburetor, Throttle all need to go,
Youtube, Instagram, Vimeo and What’s App too,
Chubby Psycho, all have, film of my great driving,

Don’t think I need a license
Tic Tok’s out to get me.
My State ought to let me
Drive even without license
Think of all the data
China hasn’t got-a


Washington, Lincoln, All without a license,
Caesar, Brutus, These all, had some common sense,
Malcolm I and Malcolm II, Malcolm III and Malcolm IV,
V VI, VII, Malcolm VIII and Malcolm IX,

None were, licensed ‘til, Malcolm X showed off his skill,
I drive safe, anyway, I’ve run out of things to say,

We didn't start collisions.
Licensees get bloody
Since the horse and buggy
We didn't start collisions
Hear my firm assurance
I save on insurance.

Sign says, I don’t know, Picture of a railroad track,
Oh well, what ‘s that, sound I hear, louder,
“Someone, quick call, 9-1-1,” I heard someone screaming,
“Ambulance is on its way, Gas and oil hose them away,”

Tourniquets and, CPR, Big search for my, med’cal card,
Ambulance, sterile smell, tri,age , stomach pump,
Hypodermics, Anesthe….., I can’t tell you any more,
What I really want to know, Can I drive my car again,

I never got my license
I tried hard to study
But the test got ugly
I must now get my license
Someday I’ll be gone
Must say “Bye” to Ron, and Don, and Fawn
And John and Sean and Lon and Jan* and Dawn and Juan
[*Pronounced Yon]

I never got my license
I tried hard to study
But the test got ugly
I should have got my license
I should have righted it
Instead I fighted it

I never got my license
Will they let me have one
After what I have done.
I didn't start the fire
It came out of nowhere
It was quite a nightmare

Please let me get my license
I will need an ID
When I go to vote for [censured]
I didn't start the fire
But before I knew it
Some train flew right through it.

They won’t let me get my license.

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

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