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Song Parodies -> "The Longest Line"

Original Song Title:

"The Longest Time"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Longest Line"

Parody Written by:

Rebekah Dub

The Lyrics

Don't you just LOVE those ignoramuses who rush to the express line with basket after basket of crap? You do? This song is dedicated to them and the rest of us who are stuck behind them.
Wai-ai-aiting in the longest line
Wai-ai-aiting in the longest line

I went to the store for bread and milk
But by the time I’d gotten my milk
Stood in front of me in the
Express line with baskets filled to the brim

I don’t think the cashier noticed that
The item limit is ten or less
Because she checked out
The ignoramuses in
Front of me with baskets filled to the brim

Wai-ai-aiting in the longest line
Wai-ai-aiting in the longest line

Perhaps I should grab a magazine
Lay my shit down on the aisle end
Read an article
Or rip out a few coupons
While I’m standing here in the longest line

I really have to use the loo
But I don’t want to give up my spot
Perhaps this line will move quickly
In the meantime I
Pray that my milk won’t curdle

Who knows how much longer I will wait
Maybe I will put all my shit back
And go shop elsewhere
I’m thinking K-mart or Big Bear
Crap, I remembered they’re out of business

My parents are counting on me
To be home in time
For their mac and cheese
Thinking of it’s making me hungry
Oh wait, it looks like the
Ignoramuses are gone

It’s my turn to watch the sweet cashier
Scan my dear bread and milk one by one
I read my total
And paid her in cold, hard cash
And grabbed my bags and drove away from the long line

I, I, I really hate long lines
I, I, I really hate long lines
I, I, I really hate long lines
I, I, I really hate long lines

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 3.9

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - October 21, 2011 - Report this comment
Nice parody... but one thing you should know if you live in the US (you used loo, so probably not). The disabled have the right to go to ANY line no matter if it is Express or not. Under the Federal ADA any disabled person can make a request for Fair Accommodation. Many times I am too weak to stand in lengthy lines and I take my full load to an Express checkout. People get pissed, but it's my right and I worked all my life, voted, and paid my taxes. So they can, as you say, p-ss off.
Porfle Popnecker - October 21, 2011 - Report this comment
I've stood in that line a few times myself!
Rebekah Dub - October 21, 2011 - Report this comment
Rob - I live in the US, but I sometimes use the word loo as another word for bathroom nonetheless (and I used it to meet the pacing of the original). I'm glad you enjoyed the song, and thank you for the info. When I was writing it, I was thinking of the people who stand in the express lines with baskets filled to the brim with the intention to spite other shoppers. I have no intention of offending the disabled. Porfle - Me too!
Rob Arndt - October 21, 2011 - Report this comment
NP Rebekah... I knew who you were talking about, but b/c I also have worked for both Lucky's and Costco in my life as cashier (as well as in retail), I was the type that ran an efficient line but also did not turn people away. I usually ran 40 IPM so a full basket took me little time to process and yet I had to remind people of what Express Checkout means. At Price Club and Costco we also had the opposite- flat line Express as well- those with hundreds of items with no baskets allowed and yet the same thing happened- people wanting to just get in with a few "quick" items!!! But I know what you mean. I stand in lines too with annoying normal people, but most of the time I just ignore them and wait. I like your songs Rebekah (love your Biblical name)- how many so far as you are under 10...???
WCJ - October 22, 2011 - Report this comment
I think I said this before but no one said anything, the only reason that they call them "express" lanes, is that they make the other lanes move faster while you wait in them. ;-) Great parody! 5's This is a tough OS to do, I know, I'm still working on a parody of it as well.
Rebekah Dub - October 23, 2011 - Report this comment
Thank you, Rob. There's an interesting little story as to why my parents chose my name. I come from a big family, so they all had a say as to what to name me. Under the name Rebekah Dub, this is my third parody, and I'm looking forward to submitting more on here. (I've got plenty more on my Facebook.) WCJ -- I'm glad you enjoyed this parody. I can't wait to read what you've got. Very interesting fact, too. =)

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