I am the politician
Do you know just where I stand?
Another word-magician
Who wants to shake your hand
Today I am your champion
Darling of the NRA
If things go my way
On election day
I'll accept your vote
Then I'll turn my coat
And I'll take your guns away

I am the politician
And I'll do the things I must
To tailor my positions
To try to gain your trust
A born-again conservative
On Tuesday, vote for me
Come Wednesday morn
I'll forget you were born
I'll discard your views
Like last week's news
Or an empty cup of tea

I am the politician
I believe in standards, two
One for us in Washington
One for folks like you
I'm seen in church each Sunday
Sitting in the pew
And I'll stay bought
If I don't get caught
'cause I love my wife
And the family life
And my secret mistress, too

I am the politician
You've seen me on the stage
Of last year's town hall meeting
Where I heard your righteous rage
And the questions you were asking
Still haunt me now and then
So if I'm still here
For the next two years
Then I will reply
With some alibi
So I don't face you again

I am the politician
A master of disguise
Every sentence from my lips
Is another stream of lies
Here me trash the opposition
In soundbites rude, uncouth
He's a total jerk
You'll be out of work
He's a heartless Scrooge
And a big-oil stooge
(Hey, for once, I've told the truth)

I am the politician
And I'm really quite adept
At making campaign promises
That never will be kept
I'll never raise your taxes
On that you can depend
No one thinks it's strange
I keep touting change
So, just say no
To the status quo
And vote for me again

I am the politician
Do you think you'll vote me out?
In a gerrymandered district
Where I still have lots of clout
Go ahead and protest
I'm above the storm and strife
But if you get cute
And give me the boot
I won't be missed
As a lobbyist
I'll be staying here for life