Very tardy, didn’t call, or email, that’s not all
Missed the meeting, broke the printer, lost the powerpoint

Fake documents, I-9 I.D., working papers, an H1-B
Tried bribery, some L-S-D, everything, you know.

Harassment, weapons, stupid things, it all depends
Lying, gross misconduct, fast asleep on the job

Playing hooky, lying, breaking the fax machine
Illegal trading, falsifying, It’s time to say goodbye

CHORUS:
This is why you are fired
You were always lurking
When you should be working
Why were you even hired
No we couldn’t know it
But, you sure did blow it

Sharing secrets, inside trades, that’s a dumb mistake you made
Poor performance, abuse sick leave, ignoring SOX

Smoke pot, drunk again, don’t let this all start again
Sipping vodka with lime, falsely charging time

Horseplay, false claims, signing the big boss-s’ name
Pleading guilty, start a fight, vulgar language, this ain’t right

Sell drugs, break the rules, hitting others, quel fool
Transcript’s fake, credit’s bad, uh oh, we’ve all been had

CHORUS:
This is why you are fired
You were always skpying
When you should be typing
Why were you even hired
No we couldn’t plan how
You’re forever banned now

You’re not nice, can’t say that, get out of here, don’t come back.
You’re caught, say oy vey, lying on your resume

Bring a gun, be real mean, you are the worst that we’ve seen
Yell at us, you’re a slime, worked unapproved overtime

Willful damage, fighting, steal supplies, frightening
Your gig is up, over, time to on COBRA



“F You” said to me, not the brightest strategy
Refuse to work, oh no, not your choice, you must go

CHORUS:
This is why you are fired
You were always spying
When you should be trying
Why were you even hired
Now we’ll only see you
At the A-C-L-U

Solitaire played, email, yes, you know you have failed
Cheating, dress code, repay the money you owe

Contact inappropriate, come in my office and sit
Don’t talk, right now, or I will have a cow

At-will employment, is set by the government
1-2-3, right away, your employment ends today

CHORUS:
This is why you are fired
You were always spamming
When you should be planning
Why were you even hired
No we didn't fight it
‘Cause it can’t be righted

Paid today, severance, then you do not get a cent
Leave now, good-bye, pack your desk, big sigh

New start, recruit, it’s now time, to place the job online
Ultimately it’s all good, we’re all in a better mood

H.R.’s tough. Yes it’s true. We do what we have to do
Make the rules. Recruit schools. Hire, fire, we’re no fools.
Diplomacy’s rule number one. When each and every day is done.
All day long I settle scores, I can't take it anymore

CHORUS:
This is why you are fired
We are always careful
To cut right through the bull
Now that you’ve been fired
Thank G-d you are gone
Now we’ll get work done, more done, more done more done...
This is why you are fired
You were always drinking
Oh what were we thinking……..