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Song Parodies -> "All Ones From Me"

Original Song Title:

"Always a Woman to Me"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"All Ones From Me"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Every now and then, someone does a song disparaging the guy who goes around giving people all ones ratings on their songs. Actually, I suspect there's probably more than one of him, and that some examples of "him" are really "her." In any case, there are two sides to everything, and if you think about it, the ratings on any strongly opinionated parody or satire are essentially worthless, since they'll be filled with all fives from those who agree and all ones from those who don't. Thus, in reply to these rather unilateral (ha ha ha) songs against the ones guy, I offer my speculation on what this unique representative of all highly disgruntled critics on might have to say.
If you will be so vile, why should I be too nice?
You're free to fulminate and tell casual lies.
But you won't allow comments, that much I can see.
If you won't be reviled, then you're going to get all ones from me.

You can scream it's unfair, you can tell me I grieve you.
You claim to be mature, but how can I believe you?
Your songs are temper tantrums, you talk like you're three.
Here's my answer in brief: that you'll be getting all ones from me.

Oh, can't you laugh at yourself?
Can't you take any taunts?
Or do better next time?
Oh, but you never give up;
It's always the same thing;
Just one subject in mind.

All your lyrics are lamer than "Garden of Eden."
The bad grammar brings pain; all your hope is recedin'.*
You think each plural "s" needs an apostrophe.
Either learn how to spell, or you'll be getting all ones from me.

Oh, can't you proofread yourself?
Is it English that daunts?
Were you lazy this time?
Oh, now my vision gives out;
Patience is wearing thin;
Do you think I don't mind?

You give yourself all fives, and say my ones are cruel.
But your rating's inflated; who'd you think you'd fool?
The average was at four, now it's dropped below three;
You'll be lucky if you can keep it above two,
Because you're getting all ones from me.
*A reference to Pink Floyd.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Not offended - January 10, 2005 - Report this comment
I'll give you one...

...URL to the parody that is my comment:
Scathe - January 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks for keeping things equal, Offender. I never gave the "ones" thing enough thought.
Tim Mayfield - January 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Offender, I gave you 5's even though you missed the point. The annoying thing about low votes is that you have no idea why they vote 1's. If 8 people give you 5's and 1 persion gives you 1's, who's not with the program? Also, if they have a valid reason, shouldn't they comment so we can get better? I mean, we are trying to get better, aren't we?
Sweet Indigo - January 11, 2005 - Report this comment
I see your point - if people won't allow comments, then 111 is generally the only way you can express disapproval (actually I think rating the pacing fairly shows you put a bit of thought into it... I find, say, a 411 a much better sign that a person with half a brain has actually read it). But I agree with Tim, if there's a comment box there, and you found a parody offensive or stupid, you should have the guts to say so.
But nice parody, I give you a 545.
Offender - January 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Actually, there was no specific "point" to this other than to suggest some of the reasons people go around giving all ones. As for who's with the program, it's rather offensive to have any "program" in the first place, so it could just be that the ones guy is looking to piss off everyone who is "with the program." With political diatribes and other blatantly partisan material, the reasons are usually obvious enough without having to say anything. (I did, however, get at least one guy to admit in the comments that he'd given me all ones on a song of mine.) I'm guessing that my jokes about Arafat, for example, drew the ire of at least one angry Arab, as did my parody about a Muslim falling in love with an Israeli.
Shelly - January 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Offender I agree. There is no program. You have got ones from me in the past. I'm good you have a glad perpective on it.
Michael Pacholek - January 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Assuming comments are allowed, I never give ones without saying why. So here's why: Either you are with us or you are with the Ones Guy. You are with the enemy, and you're a damn traitor, and that's why I gave you all ones. The quality of your parody is irrelevant.
Offender - January 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Hee hee! I guess I'm just not with the program.
Ingeborg S. Nordén - January 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Content-voting in the humor or overall categories is understandable; content-voting the pacing of a song is grossly unfair. I leave the comment section open on all my submissions for a reason.
Mari D - January 17, 2005 - Report this comment
I think that CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is a good thing and encourage it. If someone just gives ones with no comments at all, it just looks like they're pissed off because they're a fan of the artist who performed the original song (or of the song itself).
Dangling Chad - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Once again, there's a definite disconnect between the comments on this parody and the number of 5's it has picked up.
Red Ant - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Good message Offender. I can't vote on this as I DKTOS.

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