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Song Parodies -> "Kobe... No!"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Beach Boys

Parody Song Title:

"Kobe... No!"

Parody Written by:

Forteen and Baeutiful

The Lyrics

The Prince of the Lakers, basketball head-faker --
The dude has some drama: did some pretty mama
say "Go slow, I'm no pro," did he say, "Look cheap ho,
I'll make ya..."

Was she being a tease?
Did the girl say, "Kobe, no..."?
Or was she just a ho hoping to be basket-balled?

Did she have it planned?
Did she think "He's a wealthy man...
And if push comes to shove,
And he won't propose, I'll say we banged
as I screamed "Kobe... No!"

Does she hate the Lakers? Is she just a faker
pursuing some drama, urged on by her mama?
We don't know, it's strange though, would he sink quite so low...

When they both were naked, was it "Kobe, no..."?.

Based on his past as a b-ball pro,
He scores at will and so,
Did she say "Kobe, no..."

Or did she seek his athletic physique?

Did she act willingly, and did they have chemistry?
If so, why would she lie, accusing such depravity?

What was in her sights?
Did she fantasize that night,
And dream of some fancy life
as some hot N - B - A star's new wife?
Did she say "Kobe, no..."?

Does she stand to make-a million as a faker?
Does she love the drama? 'Fifteen-minute' mama?
Would he go quite so low? Would he say, "Look cheap ho,
I'll make ya..."?

The Laker Prince, he hasn't called her since....


Will we ever know if the girl said "Kobe, no..."?
I'm sure he'd like to go and get away from it all...

But you can't, Kobe. No.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

FAB - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Gee, thanks for the 3 on pacing.
EmiLoca - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey, FAB - they're just a wannabe "ones" guy. Heres some fives to hopefully make a dent in that score of yours.
Ashkicksass - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Here's some more 5's. How could they give you a 3 on pacing? It's right on! This is incredibly clever. Wonderful job!
FAB - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, EmiLoca and Ashkickass!
Ryan Quinn - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
aww leave the poor guy alone...statutory rape, we can let slide. Now getting a licky from an intern...that's big business.Even if it doesn't affect the presidency. Nonetheless, big fives.
mac - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL... well done!
FAB - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Looks like the ones guys has been shamed by todays Roomful of Monkeys parity
tand has now become threes guys. Funny.
FAB - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Ryan Quinn and mac!
Rod Worden - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Great parody on one of the later BB tunes! 5-5-5. And too bad Kobe's athletic brilliance is overshadowed by his sickening arrogance.
FAB - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Ok, threes guys, we checked my dad's old Beach Boys records, and maybe the sight we copied the lyrics off of might have messed us up, or maybe theres different arrangements or something. So, forgive me, we'll take the threes for pacing without wineing....... but 3 overall? COME ON! :-) (just kidding!)
Cookie-man - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent work FAB!! I think your pacing was right on and the parody is great! 555!
FAB - July 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Cookie-man!
Inferno714 - August 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Very funny, I could never have thought of that! I loved it, even though the original is one of my favorites! 5-5-5!
Shack - January 31, 2020 - Report this comment
Death brought me here; pretty good.

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