When you've got a broken nose
There are blood stains on your clothes
And you've tried to smash a glass right in somebody's face
If you're getting kicked in the head
The snow will turn to red
And you're on all fours
But the ambulance is on it's way

Don't you wish you could get shitfaced every day
When the room starts spinning and your vomit starts to spray
Don't you wish you could get shitfaced every day
Let your belch ring out, 'cos you're shitfaced

You were fumbling in the dark
With the girl who stole your heart
But the lights came and you realised you'd snogged the guy that's gay
And you'd sucked down so much beer
And you'd been felt up by a queer
And you tried to set fire
to your sambuca while putting it away (just like Dave Cox)

Don't you wish you could be shitfaced every day
When your stomach starts heaving because you drank some aftershave
Don't you wish you could be shitfaced every day
And you'd join the scouts, when you're shitfaced

When the party start to blow (party starts to blow)
And you think about getting home (about getting home)
But getting to a taxi is harder than the crystal maze
So you walk home all the way
In a staggering kind of sway
You climb on the roof to have a look because you can't decide the way

Don't wish you could get shitfaced every day
You snog some mingers and you wonder if you might be gay
Don't you wish you could be shitfaced every day
And your balls hang out when you're shitfaced

And you cry for your mum when your shitfaced