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Song Parodies -> "Cut That Thigh High Fescue"

Original Song Title:

"Play That Funky Music"

Original Performer:

Wild Cherry

Parody Song Title:

"Cut That Thigh High Fescue"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

I've actually heard of people perpetrating the below 'crime,' and I certainly would not condone such behavior. But depending on your neighborhood and the quality of your neighbors, there is such a thing as justified herbicide.
Now John Boy was once my neighbor
Who’s house was in a state of decline
His yard was one big problem
Shabby with both tall grass and vines

His friends had gathered round him
“We’re intervening now, don’t you know?
Your lawn, it needs a new trim.
Or else, you’re not our neighbor no mo’.”

So he got hackin’, and weedin’,
And movin’ with the groomin’
And just then
His neighbors
With haughtiness abounding shouted

“Cut that thigh high fescue, lawn boy
Cut that fescue ankle height
Cut that thigh high fescue, lawn boy
Your yard is weedy
Don’t dawdle, just be speedy
Till it’s right
Get it right.”

Now John he hates his neighbors
He thought that they were quick to malign
Their voices were like graters
He had a plan to kick their behinds

This wrong, he thought, needs righting
But first, his lawn must lose its decay
He made his yard inviting
On Southern Homes, it went on display.

They were cheerin’ his clearin’
Applaudin’ and were laudin’
And then all
His neighbors
With compliments abounding shouted

“You’ve got lovely fescue, John Boy.
Love that fescue, green and bright!
You’ve got lovely fescue, John Boy.
Cut down and weeded
It’s what your lawn had needed
We delight!
It excites!”

His plan was super easy
He cut down all the weeds they maligned
And then at night, got sneaky
And took a trip to those who had whined.

He got himself a spreader
The clippings he dumped into its tray
And on each lawn went wheelin’
Then went back home and drank Chardonnay.

He was inspired and tired
Of listenin’ to the dissin’
When spring came
The weeds sprang
He heard his neighbors groan, he shouted

“What's with all those weeds," said John Boy
"Your lame lawns don't look quite right.
What's with all those weeds," said John Boy
"Best you get crackin'
Your lawns, lord, they be lackin'
What a sight.
Oooh, get it right.
Oooh, get it right now."
This parody brought to by Krylon. For the greenest lawn, just simply spray on. For more wordplay, visit The Blogging Baker. Copyright 2010 Warren Baker.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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MasonR - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Sod it--this was teriffic!
Old Man Ribber - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Great, with a kick final comment. Why not reseed with zoysia? ;D
Phil Nelson - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
In my second apartment I had a neighbor who let his grass grow extremely high and then the people who moved in after that just kept it like that because it was impossible to cut. So I can relate to this parody. Thankfully I only went around there once but it was awful! 5's
Christie Marie M - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
This OS is so funny and so is your parody! At first, I got to look up the word "fescue" and I found out what it meant! During the cheering part, I was thinking that John Boy would play this song and get the whole neighborhood dancing! That's a true story about your neighbor, no? LOL!! Planting 555 grass seeds in your lawn!
Patrick - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
I went into a store once and asked for grass seed. The clerk said "Fescue?". I said "If you're going to use that kind of language, I'll go somewhere else".
Fiddlegirl - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
This makes you the top-seeded parodist today! ;) 555 for the blades of glory!
Whose house? - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Actually, you have legal redress (as opposed to the commenter above, who has illegal undress); usually, a call to Code Enforcement or whatever gets your neighbors cited. ... btw, are ya sure it wasn't, maybe, hemp? Lotta that goin' around... $555/day fine until up to code.
besides, the tall grass makes great grazing and safe hiding places for tortoises. :)
Meriadoc - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Sounds like it was Revenge of the Lawn...
Andy Primus - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Hilarious, and great OS (band were only a one-hit-wonder in the UK though).
TJC - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Clever (clever?) with nary a brown spot! ... wit like a scythe!
Warren Baker - March 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the nice comments!

MasonR- Glad you really enjoyed it!
OMR- Glad you caught the kicker, and if zoysia grows well in clay, I'm on it!
Phil- I've had those types of neighbors too, but not the vengeful one described here. Thanks for the comment!
CMM- I'm glad I could further the vocabulary! And I really like the idea of John Boy and the neighborhood performing a Rogers and Hammerstein moment...maybe something in the future.And as to the truth, there is kernel (aggghhh) of truth here. A former co-worker confided that he'd taken dandelion seeds from his yard and 'shared' them with certain neighbors. Not cool, of course, but I thought it was pretty funny.
Patrick- Sounds like classic Groucho (I shot an elephant in my pajamas....)
FG- Thanks for the v/c. Blades of Glory sounds like a followup to Whitman's Leaves of Grass...sounds like potential...
WH (AKA TT)- Hmmm. A tortoise lying in tall hemp grass...gonna get hungry, better bring some munchies.
Meriadoc- Or the Lawn Mower Strikes Back!
Andy- I'm only familiar with this one song, but we love it stateside...and it's always a fave at weddings.
TJC- Thanks for the v/c! Where I live, we tend to have a bunch of red spots; clay don' you know.

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