In "Retail Shopping Land"
Looking for goods we had not planned
We got the manners of ancient Rome
Dressed like the citizens of Nome
The wifey, she sent me out after she had got some doubt
That decorations were complete
And I pestered her 'bout our plastic tree
While down the block, the families compete
For the best lighting on the street
What does that teach?

The gifts I want
Are for my pleasure
My cinema passion
The hot DVDs
And for my love, I want to get her--
No singing cow!...She wants to smell pretty--
We lack money

A diamond, she'll be seen, worn 'round her neck
But I am a poor sucker, can't pass the credit check
For my boy, get a scooter, he would ride so fleet
So I feel just like a goat when it's Santa I greet

I see him ringing
His bell in the gloom
His beard was looking fine
With a smile
Said to his face,
"Santa, you know me?
I've been good, better than anyone!
For quite awhile! (oh yeah!)
So how come the other people do much better?
They all got money to spend--they dress up their setter!
Where do they get income? I'm a fool!
I can't afford a new power tool!"

Santa frowned, then bitched,
"Don't you know you're rich?
How dare you cry in your beer?
I'm getting so pissed with you here
I'm wet and I'm cold
I'm getting too old
To hear you all moan in your jeans
So few of you really know what it means
On your fence side, the grass looks more green
Although snowy,
Know what I mean?"

Visit unplanned in "Retail Shopping Land"

There's more gifts than you wanted
There's more gifts than you wanted...
But if you got it, flaunt it
But if you got it, flaunt it...