My moggy's real hungover today
And I see he's thrown up in the litter tray
So I won't ever give him vodka again
He's a feline alcoholic with a big prob-lem

I guess you'd call my cat a lush
The catnip no longer gives him a rush

My cat, my cat; he can't stop boozin'
My cat, my cat; he can't stop boozin'
My cat, he's smashed, he's trashedcat's abusing booze
Cat's abusing boo-ooze (x3)

I see he's found my Armagnac
And the vintage champagne I hid out back
He won't go to rehab, won't attend AA
Coz he'd rather sit and lick himself all day

You can give my cat a ball of yarn
But unless it's soaked in gin, he won't give a darn

My cat, my cat; he can't stop boozin'
My cat, my cat; he can't stop boozin'
My cat, he's smashed, he's trashedcat's abusing booze
Cat's abusing boo-ooze (x3)

He doesn't like his cat food much
It's cold turkey, so it's untouched
I've tried to sell himcoz he's nuts
I've had an offer from Keef Richards

I'll be real glad when he departs
He never purrsjust belches and farts

My cat, my cat; he can't stop boozin'
My cat, my cat; he can't stop boozin'.
(Repeat to fade with drunken meows, hiccups and the sound of ornaments being knocked over.)