I’d like to think my burger’s from
A minced-up herd of bœufs
But who’s to say it didn’t neigh
Or cluck and lay some œufs?

I’d like to eat a bovine thing (Where’s the beef?)
I’ve looked in all the stores (Who’s the carnal thief?)
But there’s none left, freezers bereft
‘Cos they were selling horse

I thought that beef things came from cows
So I was less than thrilled
To find that they’re extremely rare
- And don’t mean how they’re grilled

Think we should enquire
Just who are the suppliers? (And where? Do do-do do dooo..)

I’d like to eat the bovine thing
That puts shoes on my feet…

La la la la laaaa… (etc.)

We’d like to hear they’ll sort this out
But they just give us bull
Served up as lies, not in their pies
We’ve had a bellyful (We want beef-y meat…)

We’d like to eat some bovine things (Not your ‘udder deceit’…)
But now we’re insecure (scaredy-cats…)
Could be Seabiscuit, we won’t risk it
‘Til we know for sure (Do not scam me please…)

My beef should moo at least just once (With your Beef ‘Canter’-nese…)
Don’t serve ‘mis-steaks’ to me (chew on that…)
My Chilli Carn’ milked in a barn
Not racing at Aintree*

And lets not forget (lock up your pets…)
Haven’t found Shergar** yet… oooohhh…..