Saturday night I went downtown
to the Old Country Buffet
Dining with a bunch of fat men
I wondered just how much they weighed

Big heavy losers on a bad diet
All these people are just eating wrong
Just about to call up the dietician
When I saw this woman waddle along

A pair of thunder thighs and a big plate of fries
This lady was quite the size
She was a big fat woman in a sundress
Just the kind you would see at the mall
I took one look, she was a hot mess
and that big fat woman ate it all

[Instrumental Interlude]

I watched her sit down at the table
and the whole room just shook when she sat
I heard somebody calling her Mabel Joy
but, I'm telling you that woman was FAT!

Then suddenly we saw the crab legs
And everybody ran to the line
Knocking over chairs and tables
Then I felt this woman grab my behind
Well the waitress took our order on my left side
And ol' Mabel was there on my right
Well I know the point is moot but she looked kinda cute
It's hard for me admitting that I found myself sitting

With a big fat woman in a sundress
Just the kind you would see at the mall
Yeah, with just one look I was a bad mess
Cause that big fat woman had it all