You can't buy a dildo in Texas
It's worse than a crime, it's a sin
Ain't nothing more heinous
Than a puh-lastic paynus
'Cept maybe to use the real thing

In Noo York, it isn't illegal
They use 'em there all of the time
So if you really must make it
Make sure that you take it
All the way 'cross the state line

(Chorus)
Why'd they hate a
Viberat-or
Come on now, is it really that hard?
If what you use for release is
A penile prosthesis
Better stay well on your guard

I'm told they ain't sold in the White House
But not 'cause it's ay-gainst the law
But unlike ol' Bill
George Dubya Bush will
Not know what to use the thing for

You could argue, to try and convince 'em
Make 'em love that thing that they hate
And if you so endeavour
You might all come together
Work it out in one big mass debate

(Chorus)

If the policemen done catch you
Get you wrigglin' right there on their hook
You may get off, it's true
(And they might do, too)
If you don't mind just lettin' 'em look

And when you're in the dock in the courtroom
It still may not be too late
Tell them it's a phone
With a broken ringtone
So you set the switch to "Vahbrate"

(Chorus)
No it ain't a
Viberat-or
If you reckon it is, I'm a goner
But I'm sure you'll agree this
Ain't no wee prosthesis
You can try it yourself, Your Honour
Your Honour
Your Honour