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Song Parodies -> "Small, Doomed Tits"

Original Song Title:

"Ballroom Blitz"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Small, Doomed Tits"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Being half-Asian is only worth it if your bottom half is the Asian part.
Are you… boyish, Em?
Emi: Ha-ha...
Emi: No…
Emi: No way!

Alright, fellas, let's GROW!

Oh I’ve been sweating so hard,
Trimming hairs that spring from arm and knee, uh huh
Extremes of zits and weight change
Delighted by onsets of puberty
Oh, you see I’m stacked from the back
Cause the fat that I pack’s on my wide female hips and my buns
But the front’s lean and lonely, I’m flat and I’m homely
Cause B-cups mean no passionate fun

Oh, yeah, growth spurts so heightening, all my clothes started tightening
But my chest wasn’t moving – and the boys disapproving:

“Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
Have you scanned what she lacks? Dude,
Emi’s got no rack, man, she’s turned into a wall! Boo, hiss!”
If the girl’s ever shown hers
No boys reported boners, Emi’s growing into small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits”

I'm leeching off of soft things -
Push-ups, plumping, cotton balls, tissues
Oh, I’m promptly falling over
From homemade augmentations for the two
Somber handfuls, in fact
Though most men with tact say that cleavage is bland to the eye
But with guys in Kentucky, this chick’s just unlucky
They’d all rather have a breast than a thigh

Oh, fine, measure my pecs, quick (Please measure in metric)
Uninspiring this evening – trainer bra, large G-string

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m not bad in the sack,
Just getting lots of flak, cause I’ve got no chest at all - screw this!
In a world full of pornos
Who wouldn’t feel forlorn? Oh, it’s a shame because it’s all crude glitz
All crude glitz


Oh yeah, future’s not brightening, silicon, nip-tuck tightening
Reconstruction and smoothing – but "the girls" aren’t improving

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And she’s mad cause she’s flat,
Deserves some tit for tat, cause she cannot find a bra that fits
And this girl’s sick of sitting through
Water-bra refittings, she’s concerned about this small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit

Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz

Still, I have small boobs. Shit.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   23

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

McKludge - December 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Is it insensitive of me if I laugh at this parody? In a way, its a shame you submitted this on Christmas Eve. This is one SWEET parody, but it may get missed due to the holidays. 555
Matthias - December 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Welcome back, Emi!!! Now we have Guy, and you back, all we need now is to get that lazy bass turd Claude posting more regularly, and Johnny D... Those two guys dropped off the face of the Earth. Anywho... This parody was "no bust"!!!
alvin - December 24, 2007 - Report this comment
funny with good pacing and rhyming....doubt you'll get many votes from the ladies, though
Agrimorfee - January 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow, this did fall under the radar. This was very sweet, indeed, on a very hard tune to do. It's like you never went away, welcome back!! (don't despair, big boobs certainly are not everything...) Cup size 555
Phil Alexander - January 04, 2008 - Report this comment
I missed this first time around, too: maybe it didn't stand out enough... I know it's a Sweet song, but I could imagine Tia Carrere (as Cassandra in Wayne's World) singing this - if you see what I mean:
Nib - January 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Okay, so that's four iron padlocks, three deadbolts, two combination locks and a retinal scan in a pear tree. Last lyrics I listened to on my ipod: "...with her chest enhanced, wouldn't dance if you aint pay for her breasts implants". Alas, if only you were as D12...
Matthias - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Being what Below Average Dave has called a "boobaphile" I LOVE THIS ONE!!! Welcome back Emi, hope you're here to stick around awhile.
McKludge - January 20, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Doomed? Well, there's always surgery, unless you're still under 18. Don't forget your exercises. Try to touch your elbows behind your back and chant "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!" (yes I know, old joke). Great work on a tough OS to pace.
Peter Andersson - January 22, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Bra-bra-bravo!!! Just when I started to think that the competition this month couldn't get any bigger you busted me with this one, I feel so handicupped, will I ever get up again? But ewwwww for "No boys reported boners", is that a requirement in American Schools now, if so I'd say that Homeland Security surveillance has gone way out of hand!
Michael E Cormier - January 27, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Loved it, but big tits never interested me. I've always been a chartered member of the Itty Bitty Titty Club. Dreamy eyes and a sweet smile can make me melt more than boobs as big as air bags. lol Nice work Emi. Look forward to more work from you. Love your sense of humor.
Guy - January 27, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM Dec 2007) - Loved the "Tit for Tat" line. Love your sense of humor Emi and yes as the first commenter suggested I missed this due to the Christmas Holiday. Glad I saw it now. You go girl!
Max Power - January 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Size 555
Meriadoc - January 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Emi, this is hilarious - I laughed all the way thru it!
Peregrin - January 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Heh heh, in a way, I thought the same as McKludge's initial comments, but on a different note: What a sweet song for Christmas Eve. I enjoyed :) For what it is worth, I am in agreement with Mr Cormier. Small beats big. It's all about quality, not quantity!
bobpiecheese - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Pacing: top-notch. Topic: Hilarious. Overall? BLOODY BRILLIANT! This is how you return from writer's block. 555 for sure!
Invisible Boy - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Perky parody here Emi. It's funny that you posted this on Christmas Eve because this was exactly what I wanted for Christmas.
stuart mcarthur - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) whoa, as if this month wasn't already hard.........someone's getting bumped, because this goes straight into my 5 without dropping a set - fantastic pacing and syllable-matching and the whole shebang Emi, and who wants them Kentuckites anyway, what with their fried chicken fat dripping down their singlets - nah, small tits aren't doomed here in Oz, Emi (neither are big ones) - brilliant, and a tough OS, I'm guessing - 555 (hmm, my sec. code is MMM - what are the odds?)
Kristof Robertson - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Our original teen prodigy returns with a KAPOW! and makes us look like 'ammer-chewers...again. Sterling work, Emi; and kudos for being so "upfront" about your chestular issues to an SOTM audience made up exclusively of blokes. 555+++
Below Average Dave ( - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow. . .I um, wow, Self Depreciation is my favorite topic, and you just took it to a whole new level. . .superb formatting to by the way, this one will be in my top 5
Jack Wilson - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Jeff Reuben - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
This song was a hoot! Welcome back, you can write with the chest of them!
Mikey Squirrel - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM- I must say that this parody is kinda growing on me. I'm literally busting out with laughter. There's no shame being part of the 'Itty Bitty Titty Committee'. Very funny and well done, EmiLoca.
Matthias - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Small boobs.... NOOOOO!!! That's like the worst horror movie in the eyes of a boobaphile. This reminds me of something Todd from Scrubs said, "They're preforming a breast reduction surgery upstairs and I'm going up there to stop it!"
Red Ant - March 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Funny work, Emi. Around here many guys look at the bottom half, more so than the top. It's not what you have but how you work it. As well as you reworked this OS, I don't think you have anything to worry about. 5s

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