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Song Parodies -> "24 Years Watching Re-runs Of Dallas"

Original Song Title:

"Living Next Door To Alice"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"24 Years Watching Re-runs Of Dallas"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

this dates me I know, but I loved the goings-on at Southfork in the early 80s
Sally called
when she got the word
She said - "I suppose you've heard

......'bout JR"

Well I said "Yes I have - he got himself shot
I've seen that episode a helluva lot
twas Sue-Ellen's sister Kirsten thayah!"

oh, I know I shouldn't watch it
there's stuff I should be doing
I guess I'm just a sucker for the lust-lives of the Ewings
coz for 24 years I've been watching re-runs - of Dallas

24 years - twenty thousand times
I've seen JR committing maybe twenty thousand crimes
but I cannot break the habit of
watching re-runs of Dallas

In the early eighties
every Monday night
I'd un-plug the phone, then I'd turn off the light watch Dallas

old Jock and Miss Ellie - and Ray the cowhand, who
was JR's half-brother (gee, the shit hit THAT fan!)
and Victoria Principal's
yee-har! Texan-grade

...mamm'ry glands

oh, I don't know what Sue Ellen
saw in big JR
He always used to treat her like a brain-dead chihuaHUA
she took 24 years of spousal abuse on Dallas

24 years she's been guzzling Gordons Gin
she shoulda married Bobby (what the hell was she think-ing?)
or a nice oil baron coz
there's one on every corner in Dallas

Then Sally called back
and said "whatcha doin?"
I said "Shhh! Cliff's on the BRINK of ruin
his name is mud

......around Dallas"

She said there'd be re-runs - for twenty more years
BUT, when they're finished, she might - not - be - here
and when I looked at her

...I saw tears

I told her to keep waiting
(I know it must sound weird)
but Southfork's conflagrating and I really have to see it
It's a top-ten must-see moment - from 24 years of Dallas

24 years I've been anchored to the set
just how friggin fantastic can a supersoapie get?
it's been twenty-four years
of the feuding Barnes'n'Ewings - in Dallas

I have to watch JR
denting his ten-gallon
when he finds Chris Atkins in the bed-room with Sue Ellen
Chris'll wish he'd stayed with Brooke in that Lagoon instead of Big! Bad! Dallas!

I wish it wasn't made-up - I wish that I could be 'em
I hope that I don't wake up and the whole thing was a drea-um
coz for twenty-four years
I've lived IN the Tex world of Dallas

yeah for 24 Years
I've been watching re-runs of Dallas

yeah for 24 Years
I've lived IN the Tex world of Dallas

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   19

User Comments

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Phil Alexander - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Simply brilliant, Stuart. DKTOS, but I do know KBW's "Living next door to Alan" parody. And Dallas is the *only* soap opera that I've ever watched a whole episode start to finish - and that one was the one where JR was shot. I guess that dates me, too :-)
Stuart McArthur - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Phil - yeah that Kevin Bloody Wilson parody seems better known in the UK than it does in his home country

and it was the JR-getting-shot kerfuffle (my fave "Little Britain" word) that got me watching the show too - almost exactly 24 years ago :)
AFW - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
SuperDallaspoofalistic, here, Stuart...I used to tube some of the episodes,...a real tv classic....excellent capsule review...Triple Fives Ranch.
Michael Pacholek - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Kristin shot J.R.? Awright, Stuart, now ya done it. Here goes: In "Citizen Kane," "Rosebud" is Kane's childhood sled! In "Star Wars," Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father! And on "Desperate Housewives," the father of Gabrielle's baby is none other than our very own Sp... wait a minute, that can't be right... can it?
Rick C - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job here, Stuart, but, you gotta let someone else have control of the remote at the bar. These soaps will eat your brain up! :-) 555
alvin rhodes - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS either, but it was a fun read
Leo j - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Dude!?!?! How could you not mention Charlene (Lucy) Tilton -- the only other reason (besides Victoria) that a teenage boy would watch that piece of crap?!?!? 5s anyway for a big ol' Texas-size effort.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Stuart, as you can guess from the URL the recognition factor for this song isn't very high, something I learnt about a year ago when I submitted "smokie1" and "smokie2". *Hint, hint*

As for Pamela or Lucy I'd take Pamela every time, I fear I wouldn't be able to stand Lucy's pesky voice in screaming mode.
Stuart McArthur - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks AFW - I'd never watched a soap, so I decided to try out Dynasty, but Dallas was on before it, and I just got hooked - all those Texan high-rolling oil biz shenanigans

LOL, Michael, and all evidence certainly does point to that particular "Sp.." person

thanks Rick, sadly it's become embedded in my palm

thanks alvin - gee I can't believe this OS isn't better known - it's a classic shocker

Oh, Leo! I know! It broke my heart to leave her out - "the poisonous dwarf" as JR used to describe her. I had her in the parody as a likeness for my Sally, so similar I eventually succumbed to Sally's advances, but it was a clumsy plot development, so she ended up on the editing-room floor! - but she should have found her way in somewhere else, you're right

thanks, Peter, now I understand - why didn't you warn me....and that Pamela - it was she who originally got me hooked - she was the Eva Longoria of the times, in a curvy Texan kinda way - and the milk of goodness too
Dee Range - June 21, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS but this is a fantastic recap of Dallas...and though I don't watch much TV, I have seen Dallas a few times, and recognize all the characters. And if you ever want to see South Fork up close, it's only an hour from my house. Gimme a call :-))
Stuart McArthur - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Dee - is that right? I'll be there quicker than you can say Clayton Farlow - but what I really want to do is go to the Oil Baron's Ball and watch a genuine Texan bar-room brawl
Dee Range - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Never been to the OBB, but have survived a few dust-ups in various bar-room brawls. Check your messages...discs are on the way.
karen - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
just to be different I know the original song but am not that familiar with the soap!! When JR was shot everyone at school was asking 'whodunnit' and I was like "who's he?"!! Anyway I didn't let my lack of knowledge get in the way of a 5,5,5 vote
Jeff Reuben - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Well done. I knew enough about Dallas to follow it.
Stuart McArthur - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks heaps karen and Jeff.....I wonder if there's anybody other than me who knows the double - Smokie's stinker AND Dallas - I think not - Kristof, where are you?
Kristof Robertson - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
A powerhouse parody from the Marquis of Melbourne. BRAVO! 555
Kristof Robertson - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Course I know the OS and the show (Call me perverse, I always thought Cliff was a cool dude..)! I'm surprised Phil didn't know the OS, Smokie being British and all that...and, you're right, it IS a stinker, vastly improved by the refrain of "Alice? Alice? Who the f....". Final bit of useless trivia. We've recently had on TV over here in the UK, a reality show called The Farm, where celebs have to live on a farm for like 8 weeks. The American celebs conned into signing up were Flavor Flav from Public Enemy, Ron Jeremy, the porn star, and....the poison dwarf herself, Charlene Tilton! Hadn't seen her since Dallas, still looks OK for an old gal...was voted out early for being bloody useless....;-)
Stuart McArthur - June 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Kristof - I used a downloaded version that brilliantly included the "Alice? Alice? Who the F.... is Alice" in the gaps after the verses, and it still cracks me up.

fascinating about Charlene - she's probably even shorter now

my favourite Dallas moment was when they wanted to bring a dead Bobby back (which we all wanted, of course) and they did it by having Pam see him in the showers one morning, and realising that the WHOLE previous Bobby-less season (1984, I think) had been a dream
Michael Pacholek - June 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Kristof: A couple of years ago, Jay Leno hosted "Survivor: Burbank," in which he led some washed-up celebs in contests on "The Tonight Show." One of the first to go was Charlene Tilton, who couldn't even outlast Alison Arngrim from "Little House on the Prairie." Despite his lust for her, Florence "the Body" Henderson (Jay's name for her) didn't win, either. I can't remember who won, only who lost. Sort of like the original "Apprentice." We can't remember the name of the guy who won, but we remember Omarosa... about to star in "Surreal Life V" with Bronson "Balki" Pinchot, Janice "Supermodel" Dickinson and Jose "Can You Tell the Truth" Canseco.
S.T.G. - March 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Please don't hurt me, but I've never seen Dallas
Red Ant - March 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(numbers/symbols) Was DKTOS, d/l a copy of this song which varied a bit from this (the quality was bad - may have been a bootleg?) . Unfortunately, I know zip about Dallas, only that the 'who shot JR' cliffhanger is/was considered the biggest ever. I did Google a pic or 3 of Victoria Principal - yep, nice assets (and frontset too!). Oh, I finally got LimeWire as you mentioned before a few times on my parodies.
Matthias - March 29, 2006 - Report this comment
I too no zip about Dallas, but I do however know TOS, and it was enjoyable I loved the sub (gee, the shit hit THAT fan)
Cat - March 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC #s) DKTOS, and I don't really know the subject matter either, but I could understand your song pretty well. How come no lines about Bobby's dying and then it turns out to be a dream, though?
Stuart McArthur - March 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Cat - firstly thanks, but of course I had to mention that moment of supersoap history - re-read my 7th last line: "I hope that I don't wake up and the whole thing was a drea-um" ;-)

thanks also Matthias, Red Ant and STG - I'm thinking maybe the song was not released in the US - it's a classic stinker
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(Numbers/Symbols) - I've seen in the papers here that they are gonna make a Dallas movie now, the way many old series' are brought back on screen these days, but - and this is a very major but - they plan to let Marcia Cross from Desperate Housewifes play the role of Pamela and Jennifer Lopez to play Sue-Ellen! Oh My Gawd!!! Marcia Cross looks 50+ even with makeup! What are they thinking! Unless it's all a misunderstanding and ends up the opposite way with J'Lo as Pamela I'm so not gonna be there, it would destroy all my old 14 year old boy's fantasies about Victoria Principal!
Johnny D - April 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC) Heh heh heh! They say "Everything's BIGGER in TEXAS" ... is the same thing true about Australia ?

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