Are you looking for your undies in the drawer?
All you've found is yesterday's upon the floor
If you wear your sister's knickers
'Cause you think it's for the best
When she finds out she will not be too impressed

So here it is smelly Christmas
Every body starts to hum
Everything's dirty now
The washing's not been done

Are you starting a familiar sort of hunt
To find tops without those food stains down the front
Does your granny say she can smell ya
Even though she's at home
She's fifty miles away, and on the phone


So here it is, smelly Christmas
Every body whiffs of scum
Clothing's all dirty now
The washing's not been done


What has it all come to
What what you want most is socks and drawers
Ah ah

Have you run clean out of undies in the drawer
And there's only last month's lying on the floor
Do you hit them with a hammer
Till they're soft enough to wear?
But by Christmas you'll have drunk too much to care

So here it is, smelly Christmas
All the washing's in the drum
Get the repairman out
The spin cycle ain't spun

[repeat till it's finished spinning]