I bought an old Ford Escort
Painted light blue like the sky
A stealin' deal for ninety bucks,
It's a stick shift, guess that's why
She purred soft like a kitten
Front tires needed tread
I parked outside a grocery
Popped in to buy bread..

And someone stole my clutch
Some no good such and such
Only spent five minutes there, inside
I hope I catch that guy or guys
Gonna' blacken all their eyes
And slowly choke 'em till revenge in me subsides

I head on home, pissed as can be
Cellphone rings when in my drive
Someone says it's been towed away,
I owe a hundred five..
While, on the phone, I'm ragin'
Receiver breaks my tooth
New cap takes two more C-notes
Here in downtown Duluth..

'Cause someone stole my clutch
I'm deep in debt and dutch
Sold that Ford for thirty bucks to Clyde
Not'ry public charged me nine
Spent eleven on some wine,
With all these domino effects, down "Three eight-five":

Just pray I find that thief
Wherever he may be
I'll kick him on his fat butt
And choke him endlessly
He made my day distressful
For a lousy Escort part
It would have been so restful
Not this chaos ala carte..
Right then, a drifter mugs me
To the hospital, I'm sent
No words say how it bugs me,
Wish I had been Clark Kent

Yes, someone stole my clutch
I'm back at home with a crutch
Therapy has ebbed my anger tide
No longer want that thief to die
He can live in pain and cry
When I squeeze his neck till revenge in me subsides

Gonna' squeeze his neck till revenge in me subsides