When you’ve nothing to do, on a dull afternoon
Than to settle back and make yourself whine
If you’ve no-one to bone you, and you’re all alone
Well give yourself a bloody good time
Buy some K-Y Gel
A little self passion, but that’s alright

Well I suppose you’re thinking, I bet she’s winking
Or a sight you’d just love to see
There ain’t no begging to get yourself head
I sure do want you to know
Buy some K-Y Gel
There ain’t lubrication in the land so fine

Imagine that office party, your boss acting naughty
Let your mind put on some show
All your best moves, and no-one refusing
Or someone who is begging you to…
Oooh yeh K-Y Gel!
A little self-passion don’t make you go blind

I ain't forgetting that it feels so fine
Get that BJ without even tryin’
Now just whack your heart out
No-one there to see you to!

Since you’re not done, it’s hard, so carry on

Forget about the Japanese frown, while you’re going to town
You’re alone - so no-one else cares
You can imagine that girth, scream for all your worth
It makes you feel like a millionaire
Ooh yeh K-Y Gel
Debbie does Dallas got nothing on you

Anyway, my coffee’s cold and I’m getting told
That I gotta get back to work
But when the sun goes low and you’re home all alone
Think of me and try not to laugh
Go buy K-Y Gel
They don’t object if you call or collect
And I ain't forgetting that it feels so fine
Get that BJ without even tryin’
Now just whack your heart out
No-one there to see you to!


After all these years it’s time for you to confess


Since it’s still hard might as well carry on