[Day Before Exams]

It's mind pounding
Brain is seeping
Laptop, books, and scrolls
Examine closely

While I chug cans of Monster*

I've got to
Meet class goals

I'm a member, a "Delta Phi" dork
Drinking from cheap beer cans
The R.A would spot me
In hallway I'm sprawling
"Go Take Your Final Exams!"

Can't Take These Final Exams!!!

Got text books to my left
History test at ni-i-i-i-ine!!!
Need to learn names of ships
And who's buried in shri-i-ines!!!
But mind's full of dust
And this hangover's a pa-a-a-ain!!!

Can't Take These Final Exams!!!!
Can't Take These Final Exams!!!!!

Need to study
Walks in my beer buddy
"Dude, I want a bloody beer, alcohol"

Yes, another distraction
Cause I'm drunk and want "action"
Belle seduced Ed
I see all

With a bit of the mind blitz
From way too much fine Schlitz**
So I fling with campus slutty dame

I pass out in Ed's basement
This is study's replacement!!!

Must Take Those Final Exams!!!
Must Take Those Final Exams!!!


[Day of the Exam]


Well, I was sitting there in class
After smoking some grass
When the professor guy
Said, "Do you want to pass?"
From my book store up
This was his advice
"Don't be a stupid drunk
And you might suffice"
Tossed exam at me
And I felt shortchanged
Should have studied
Never drink again

Can't Take These Final Exams!!!
Can't Take These Final Exams!!!

I just got dumped with an F
But Becky did alri-i-i-ight
She told me a good tip
"To get an A, spend ni-i-ight
Cause it's professor's lust
That let's you pass with no bra-a-a-ain
You'll Ace Your Final Exams!!!

You'll Ace Your Final Exams!!!"

(Drops test and collapses on desk)