Many is the time I've the devil,
While watching Friends re-runs.
Yes, and I know Martians are on the Earth.
They are posing as nuns.

Ah, but I'm all right. I'm all right,
Long as I still take my pills.
Still, can't you the Satanic messages on
One hundred dollar bills?
On hundred dollar bills.

And I don't know a sole whose not a Commie.
I don't have a friend whose not a witch.
No place where the CIA's not watching.
This really is a b*tch.

Ah, but it's all right. It's all right.
Least that's what the Prez does say.
Still, when Canada finally invades us,
I'll be laughing that day.
I'll say, "I told you so" on that day.

And they I am crazy.
They say that I have been dreaming up it all.
No one posseses RuPaul.
No trolls under the mall.
And they say I am screwy.
There really are no UFO's in the sky,
And SUV's cannot fly.
Lincoln DID really die.
And they say I am cooky.

Well, I'll just keep on saying 'till the day I die,
"The NFL does control the moon!"
I don't care if they I'm dellusional,
Call me an American loon.

Oh, yeah, it's all right. Oh, it's all right. It's all right.
They can't all know what I know.
Still, I know they're threatening to lock myself away.
I think that would really blow.
That's one thing I'm sure of. That would blow.