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Song Parodies -> "50 Ways To Write That Program"

Original Song Title:

"50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"50 Ways To Write That Program"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

"Programming's easy", the PHB said to me
It can't be hard, you just try thinking logically
It doesn't matter if you use SQL or C
There must be fifty ways to write that program

Oh, not again, I thought.. sotto voce I cursed
And wondered what I'd say if places were reversed
"It often helps to get the spec'fication first.
There may be fifty ways to write that program"
Fifty ways to write that program

First write up the spec, Dec
Make a new plan, Stan
Get screen design, Kline
It's the best guarantee
Check all your code, Toad
Make sure it compiles, Miles
And then it'll run, Hon
Ensure it's bug-free

Don't code-as-you-go, Mo
Or hack on your Mac, Zach
And NEVER goto, Hugh
Just listen to me
You can use Fortran, Dan
Or even VB, Dee
Try C++, Gus
Make sure it's bug-free

The PHB said "I am here to help you
I can explain oh, roughly what you have to do
But no, I don't know what that pointer's pointing to
Could be fifty ways..."

He said
"I'll do it by myself because I want to play
I'm sure that Access is the most professional way
To quote MS 'Where do I want to go today?'"
There must be fifty ways to write that program
Fifty ways to write that program

Won't write nothing down, clown
Won't make a plan, Stan
Just sit down and code, Bro
It's so easy for me
'Cause I'm really slick, Mick
Slap it together, Heather
I can do it so quick, Rick
It's so easy you see

Now I've done all the forms, Sean
It's almost complete, Pete
And I've finished the job, Bob
And so quick-l-lee
So you can debug, Doug
Just get it to work, Jerk
All you have to do, Lou
Is get it bug-free

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Rick D - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
And then you can chill, Phil
Johnny D - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
You're ASCII'ing for it, and you got it: 555.
Adam Eccleshall - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
As a frustrated Dilbert-a-like myself, I couldn't give this anything other than 5's :-)
Scathe - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
There must fifty ways to vote for parodies. I'll vote three 5's.
... - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
There's actually a hundred and twenty-five ways to vote for parodies (124 if you don't count the infamous 1-1-1). Of those, I decided on 5-5-5.
Stuart McArthur - November 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent, Phil - I'm always curious about the little decisions, such as why Dec and not Hec? Was it a toss-up between the most well-know name (Hec) as opposed to the the best sound (Dec) - just idle wondering - 555
2nz - November 27, 2004 - Report this comment
I can't believe you missed "Throw the hard-drive, Clive", "Just document, Kent", "Nest that loop, Snoop" and "Fix every glitch, bitch". You didn't error-check this parody enough, Phil. I expected better from you...

Nah, I can't fool you guys, I liked it too. Great concept and "Or hack on your Mac, Zach" was just excellent.
Adagio - November 27, 2004 - Report this comment
I really liked this, Phil. Makes me wish I knew more about computers. 5's
Phil Alexander - November 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick - seeing as I'm a pro, so to speak, I'd have thought "Send 'em a bill, Phil" might have been more appropriate
Stuart - That's short for "Declan", and means base ten
2nz - no hard drive, 'cause I'm a software man
Adagio: You can learn all of that, Pat
:-) Thanks, all.
Tim Mayfield - August 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Phil, love the parody, BUT write a program in SQL or Access??? What are you talking about? hehe. Sure SQL is a language, but only for querying databases, you have to use it inside another language. And you can write code for Access using Visual Basic for Applications, but we call them macros not programs. I believe you can only create a macro that will compile into a 128k executable file and it only runs in Microsoft Office. Maybe it should be called parasitic code. It can not survive without a host. 5's for the parody.
Phil Alexander - August 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, Tim, the SQL/Access references were made by the PHB (if you see what I mean) - you can't expect them to be technically correct ;-) (though he might have meant stored procedures, I suppose). Thanks :-)
Georg Redder - October 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Hi Phil You made my day!
Tim Mayfield - October 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Phil, yes, I see the PHB would not understand the real life application of such things. And stored procedures are really TSQL, not SQL (TSQL meaning Transact SQL used by Microsoft SQL Server).

I also want to say, for the record, that the maximum size of a VBA macro is still 64k compiled. It's not very big and was never meant to be a real program.

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