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Song Parodies -> "50 Ways To Be A Christian"

Original Song Title:

"50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"50 Ways To Be A Christian"

Parody Written by:

Sweet Indigo

The Lyrics

"The problem's all to do with church," she said to me,
"The answer is easy, if you're not fussed, spiritually,
Can I explain the use of the holy guarantee?
There must be fifty ways to be a Christian

She said, "Imagine the good image you'll exude
Furthermore, all those church dinners can lead to much free food
And the raucous types you can easily exclude
There must be fifty ways to be a Christian
Fifty ways to be a Christian

You just a slip a few bills, Will
Make a fruit flan, Stan
Become an altar boy, Roy
And act like a clone
Heavenly smile, Giles,
Go walking up church aisles
Just throw us a bone, Joan
And get yourself known

Sing all the hymns, Jim
Sit in a pew, Lou,
You can mutter with joy, Roy
And fall on the floor
Serve us the tea, Lee
Be a sound-desk trainee
Just get a rapport, Dor
Who could ask more?"

He said, "It's easy and it doesn't take much pain,
But it seems that all these little chores will just be done in vain.
And I'll illuminate that - so please let me explain
About the fifty ways."

He said, "If you want to be seen for doing right
Well it's great, but there's more to it, if you're fighting the good fight
Cause God is holy - and I'm hoping that you will see the light
There must be fifty ways to be a Christian
Fifty ways to be a Christian.

Go healing the sick, Dick,
Give to the poor, Dor,
Turn the other cheek, Zeke,
Show mercy mild
Give up the grudge, Judd,
Start living in God's love,
So love all your foes, Rose
And be like a child

Knock on the door, Maur,
Call and I'll know, Joe
Don't just pretend, Ben
But listen to me
You're never alone, Joan
You've always been known
So call out to me, Lee,
And I'll make you free."
This was surprisingly fun. I found it kinda funny to imagine Jesus doing the sermon on the mount with a guiter telling people to 'turn the other cheek, Zeke', so maybe I'll filk it again sometime. Incidentally, my pacing may not be abolutely perfect but that's not the place to tell me that you hate my parody. Please - you know who you are, Ones Guy! It's so irritating when I spent time double checking that the pacing fit...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   1
 5   2

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Billy - July 25, 2004 - Report this comment
The setup is unclear, as is the point of view throughout. The title suggests a rebuttal to those who would categorize 'Christians' as a monolithic group, but I'm not sure whether or not that is, in fact, your intent here. At times, it seems you are simply listing a bunch of things that all "those wacky Christians" do.
Billy Florio - July 25, 2004 - Report this comment
I thought it was a very clever idea....nice work
Luther - July 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Lighten up, Billy, this ain't a religious lit. course--it's a song parody site.
Meriadoc - July 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Your pacing was quite good. And I thought the change from the 'appearance' of Christianity' in the first choruses to the real thing in the latter choruses was clever and refreshing!
Johnny D - July 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Now do one for Buddhists, one for Hindus, and one for The Church of The Subgenius!
Billy - July 26, 2004 - Report this comment
It's not a matter of lightening up. I'm not offended, it's just not clear. Don't comment on other people's comments.
Billy - July 26, 2004 - Report this comment
The above comment was directed to 'Luther'.
Royce Miller - July 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Sweet Indigo-I think you bring up some good points here--that true religion is from the heart; not from the outside in. "It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles, it's what comes out" to paraphrase
Phil Alexander - July 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Damn, must have forgotton to hit "submit" on my comment... I thought this was funny, especially as it can be taken two ways. Anyway, it's a lot more charitable than I'd have been if I'd have written this song :-)
Sweet Indigo - July 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks guys :) It's really nice to have your comments. Billy I'm kinda confused about your not commenting on other people's comments comment to Luther (if those 2s were yours, thanks for not voting down my pacing btw :) ). In any case... If you have eyes to read, let 'em read. I don't care to dissect it when other people seem to have got the idea ;)
Ashkicksass - July 26, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm with Merry and Royce, and I thought you did a great job!
Foghill - July 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Super! You know, after awhile the parodies using drugs and sex and etc. wear off, and you long for something that can touch the higher places where the inner self yearns to be known. This parody touches that place. And, forgetting for a moment any Princetonian objections, there IS such a thing as a Christian who is only a person who is doing what Jesus instructed us to do, which is mainly Love One Another and Keep the Ten. These are the people who move mountains, who heal the sick and comfort the poor. What idea or melody cannot lend itself to a higher purpose? Thanks, Sweet Indigo. It's what the bandwidth's for. - August 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Sadly, this parody is fraught with Satan's evil. Need I not mention the reference to Giles Corey, a convicted witch?
Immoral Liberal - August 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh, heavens no, not a convicted witch, glitch. I've got to agree with Phil and Billy Florio (believe it or not Billy). Clever that it can go both ways. However, I do secretly hope that it's my way and not Royce's way - afterall, god is just an illusion or a figment of somebody's imagination. Godly yes, but I liked it too.

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