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Song Parodies -> "Nifty Ways to Please Your Mother"

Original Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Nifty Ways to Please Your Mother"

Parody Written by:

Leo Jay

The Lyrics

Dedicated to all Mothers, and to all the children in therapy learning to recover from -- I mean, 'love' -- them... :-)
"The problem's my mother," my young
patients say to me;
"She is the reason that I'm
Here in therapy;
I need your help, 'cause ever
Since the age of three,
I just can't ...
Find a way to please my mother"

I say, "Just stop right there, spare
Me your history, I can
Save us both a lot of time, I'll
Even waive my fee. It's all a
Matter of basic 'Mom and
Pop' Psychology,
'Cause I've got
Nifty ways to please your mother,
Nifty ways to please your mother"

"Just give her a call, Paul
Show her you care, Mare
Try a big hug, Doug
And do something sweet...
Give her a gift, Cliff
But what does she need, Eve?
Just say "I love you", Stu --
Her favorite treat...

My patients say, "Mom gets to
Me like no one can -- she'll criti-
cize my clothes, my job, my house,
My cooking and my man;
I say, "I appreciate that...
But you need to think through
All the nifty ways..."

"Why don't you go on home and
Try to think it through, and I have
Faith when Mothers' Day arrives, you'll
Take my point of view; and with that
Insight, I know that you will
Know just what to do,
And choose some
Nifty ways to please your mother,
Nifty ways to please your mother"

Just finish up school, Jule
Get a good job, Rob
Find a nice mate, Nate --
A husband or wife...
Be a success, Bess
But try hard to stress less
Just live happily, Lee
And have a good life

Here's a good plan, Fran:
Get off the pill, Jill
Have your own kid, Syd
We'll see what you say...
Yes, make Mom a Gram, Pam
Have kids of your own, Joan
And then you will see, Lee
Why Moms are that way...

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Laurence Dunne - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
555 for such an original theme alone!!
Adagio - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Good song! 5's
Leo Jay - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey, you guys are all over the new entries! Thanks for the early feedback!
MrMacphisto - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
cute... lol
Trojan Cat - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
If you read "Momma" in the funnies you will find that is so true to life. Moms can't ever be satisfied.
John Jenkins - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
I might have preferred, "But what does she need, Reed?" but this is a very good parody. I'm sure your mother will be pleased when you sing her this song.
Leo Jay - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
REED! Thank you! Didn't think of that. I can live with Eve, though. I do wish I'd stayed with my original strategy of using one specific patient ("My young patient said to me") instead of going out of my way to make it universal -- it's just not as tight the way it came out. But hey, whatever...
Paul Robinson - May 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Clever job, Leo J., 5's from me.
Meriadoc - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Cute parody. :-)
EmiLoca - July 22, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm really, really mad at you. Having finally listened to the original song, I just finished a parody of the exact same name. And...yours is about 14 times better. Curses!!!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Ergo on EmiLoca's comment, if 3 is the lowest accumulative score possible, I should be giving this a total 42. Forgive me for a mere 15, LJ. ;)
Know 1 can hear you dream - July 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Gotta call mine btw, letīs see... number... number... 555-something...
Leo Jay - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey, hadn't visited this oldie for a while and just dropped by to check it out before submitting it for ABC. Allow me to thank all the recent commenters and voters who've been too long unacknowledged: Meriadoc and Paul: Thanks for stopping by! EmiLoca: How dare you deprive me of even one whit of your genius just because you happen to be laboring under the delusion that someone else has already done it better! What the hell do you know? Well, JARLB, Emi's worst stuff is still worth a 5-5-5, so taking her at her word, I've actually earned ... (15+14=...)210 points here, so you've actually shortchanged me by... (195/210=...) 93%. Screw you, pal... ;-) Know 1: Tell her hi! Yikes! She's not a New Yorker is she? (212 area code...)

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