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Song Parodies -> "Carbophobes (The Atkins Diet song)"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Carbophobes (The Atkins Diet song)"

Parody Written by:

Ethan Mawyer

The Lyrics

I thought the atkins diet was a terrible idea when a couple of my coworkers tried 2 summers ago it i still don't like it now that its popular
When they told me
How we should eat sometimes in my school
Teachers never were against the grains
And if my mandatory health class taught me anything
This fad low-carb dieting's insane

They're all on the Atkins diet
Because of those advertisements
They think pork and pork's a healthy plate
They all can't eat a sandwich
Each one of them has ketone breath
Yet lots of folks think that carbophobia's great

Though you'll be big for sure if you
Eat lots of Pringles
The same is true for veni-
Son or Veal
I can't believe it has
Caught on across the nation
Just because its port-
Ly owner keeled

Their diet has high fat levels
It's giving them clogged blood vessels
It's true their blood sugar
Is way too low
They're not anemic, granted
But much too much iron is bad
I never will be a carbophobe, no way

I won't be a carbophobe
Rather cut off my ear lobe
Or be pegged with plastic globes
All day
I won't be a carbophobe
Torture me like God did Job
Still won't be a carbophobe
No way
actually under extreme enough conditions i probably would adopt the atkins diet for a little while until my insane tormentors went away but i'm pretty sure that won't happen

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Voting Results

Pacing: 1.0
How Funny: 1.0
Overall Rating: 1.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   0

User Comments

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Johnny D - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
It's about time somebody parodied the Fatkins Diet! 555
John Jenkins - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Very good, Ethan. As a carbophile, I especially appreciate this parody. But it was Satan, not God, who tortured Job - I know that would have messed up the pacing.
Adagio - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Right - on 'bout time somebody parodied that diet. The parody lays it all out what the poor folk are doing to their bodies. Good job. 5's
Mari D - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Right on, Ethan! My teenage stepdaughter was on this diet last summer and I couldn't believe what she was eating!
Meriadoc - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Five slices of pork for you!
Jan Unwin - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Love the "pork and pork" line. 555 grams of votes.
Satan - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
That's the advantage of having lots of syllables in my name, my heathen friends. ;D
Michael Pacholek - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
It's pretty hard to top "Chromadome," but anything that rips Atkins gets all fives from me! Or, as I put it last year (shameless plug alert!), "Don't eat there at Subway, Jared! That food is just too damn plain!"

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