The problem's all inside your mind, he says to her
You know that you're the only woman I prefer
But she knows very well there's something foul astir
Cause there are 50 ways to tell he's cheating

He's leaving in the morning, smells like Irish Spring
(That ain't the signal that he's having him a fling)
But he comes home smelling of Speed Stick, and no ring
And those are just 2 ways to tell he's cheating
Just two ways to tell he's cheating

Now don't you be lame, Jane
Just look for his plan, Ann
He's got a new toy, Joy
Just listen to me
Go follow the clues, Sue
If you think he ain't true
Your gut is your key, Lee
He wants to be free

All of a sudden he is getting salon tans
he's lookin golden, like a muffin made from bran
And he is so well-groomed, right down to his two hands
yes, there are fifty ways to tell he's cheating

If you get lots of hang-ups on your telephone
And you are finding that you're always left alone
And if you're feeling like a dog without a bone
Well there are fifty ways to tell he's cheating

Now don't you be lame, Jane
Just look for his plan, Jan
He's got a new toy, Joy
Just listen to me
Go follow the clues, Sue
If you think he ain't true
Your gut is your key, Lee
He wants to be free