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Song Parodies -> "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Landlord"

Original Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Leave Your Landlord"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

Recently, a tenant who was about to be evicted, jumped off the fourth floor window, committing suicide, in Lahti, Finland. Perhaps it was an easier way out than freezing to death in the streets. Winters can be nasty at 61 North. Mind you, the welfare state in Finland has been pretty much pulled down in the name of free markets.
"The problem is all your empty wallet"
he said to me
"The answer is easy if you
Take it logically -
yes, unemployent's up and jobs
are nowhere seen"
There must be fifty ways
To leave your landlord

He said "it's really not my habit
to intrude -
But eviction's up and if you won't
leave you'll be sued
and bailiff will come if you don't
leave right now, dude"
There must be fifty ways
To leave your landlord
Fifty ways to leave your landlord

You just slit your veins, Jane
Tie yourself noose, Bruce
You jump off the window, Joe
Just listen to me
Hop ahead the bus, Gus
You don't need to suffer much
Just pull the trigger, Rico
And get yourself free

He said it grieves him so
To see I cannot pay
And it's like but stealing from him
if I'd continue to stay
I wish there was something I could do
To get me pay again
I just would appreciate that
I could find a job again
But there are fifty ways...

I said "why don't you just
wait till I have flat cleaned
and packed my things so it would
be easier to leave"
And when I locked the door
I did my final deed
There must be fifty ways
To leave your landlord
Fifty ways to leave your landlord

You just drink the poison, John
Or electrocute, Ruth
You jump in the sea, Lee
Just listen to me
Do seppuku, Sue
You don't need to suffer much
Just suffocate, Kate
And get yourself free

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   7

User Comments

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Patrick - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
The big news in Kansas City this week was the suicide of a professional football player who shot and killed his girlfriend, then drove to the stadium where he took his own life in front of the team's manager and head coach. This was a wealthy man who drove a Bentley and lived in a very nice home. I was not aware that Finland had dismantled some of the trappings of the welfare state. Our government continues to divide over the matter, but soon simple mathematics will decide the issue. I liked "get in front of the bus, Gus", "suffocate, Kate", "jump in the sea, Lee" and especially "do seppuku, Sue".
Barry J. Mitchel - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Eviction is a sad occurrence seldom reported. I would add "Join the home-less, Les", "live on the street, Pete","Move back with your mom, Tom (or dad, Chad)" and "Sleep in your van, Stan" on the way to a count of 50 ways. But I award 555 to you.
AFW - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Admirable dark and ironic humor...very well paced
Susanna Viljanen - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
This was a really sad - and tragic - event. What was most tragic was the callous disregard in which this country has been driven into. The man - age fifty - had nobody to get help, got no compassion, no help whatsoever and saw no other way out than suicide. I attempted to do this parody as dark as possible yet maintaining certain sense of humour as well.
Rob Arndt - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Tough topic-555! With the unemployment rate so high in my area and 4 years of no work there are many homeless of all types that reside in the woods near my home. I feed them and clothe them the best I can... but then the cops and fire dept show up and clear-out their emcampments, leaving them to lose everything in a day and start all over again somewhere else and then back. It's a viscious cycle.
Peregrin - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Re your above note then Susanna, you achieved your aim. I chuckled (not LOLd!) at the subtle change involved in "Hop ahead the bus, Gus".
Meriadoc - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Yes - sad. My home town had the shot heard round the world a few years back when a 90+-year old lady shot herself because the bank was trying to take her house. You got the dark comedy mood across well.

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