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Song Parodies -> "Fifty Shades, The Sleazy Novel"

Original Song Title:

"50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Fifty Shades, The Sleazy Novel"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

Well, it had to be done, didn't it? Have I read any of this notorious trilogy myself? Well, I think this parody will answer that... ;^)

And here's a link to the original song.
‘Why haven’t you read it yet?’ my girlfriends said to me
‘Adventurous sleaze if you don’t take it lit’rally
Does for good prose what Jersey Shore did for TV’
We’re talking… Fifty Shades, the sleazy novel

I must admit it’s not a book I’d norm’lly choose
So I thought ‘Heck I’ll just go online and read a few reviews’
And they succeeded if their idea was to confuse
‘Cause there were… fifty ‘hates’ for every ‘loved it’
Fifty Shades, the sleazy novel

‘Well it made me irate, mate’
‘Terribly writ shit’
‘The male character’s scum, chum’
The negatives said
‘Ana’s a wuss, ‘cause
She don’t put up a fuss much
Keeps biting her lip – drip!’
Yeah that’s what I read

‘That Christian Grey – hey!
Handsome and rude, dude!’
‘The sex made my hair curl, girl’
That’s what the fans said
‘Did it for me, see -
Now I’m having a baby!
Man got the job done, hun’
Yeah that’s what I read

They made it sound like there was sauce on every page
Specifically aimed at women who had reached that certain stage
But then as I told myself that I should just act my age
I saw a Fifty Shades…

So I hid in the corner of the fiction aisle
I picked it up, then discreetly thumbed the pages for a while
‘Cause I was hoping I would find a rude bit just to make me smile
Inside this… Fifty Shades, the sleazy novel
Fifty Shades, the sleazy novel

You scared me half to death, Beth
And so did you, Sue
Oh this book I got here, dear?
That isn’t for me
I did not see the cover
I’m buy’ng it for my mother
I don’t read that stuff, love
Does nothing for me

‘Darker’s too blue, Sue
And I don’t need ‘Freed’
I think they’re all a joke, folks
No, seriously -
I won’t pretend, friend
I can’t wait for this trend’s end
But I’ll take a sneak peek
Just curious, see

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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John Jenkins - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Very good title, very good "fifty ‘hates’ for every ‘loved it’ line and very good parody.
Rob Arndt - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Great work Wendy- 50+505=555!
AFW - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Haven't read the book, either...but I like your hit fifty nails on the head, here
Peregrin - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
This was great Wendy. I borrowed a copy from someone at work and frankly there was nothing in it to justify all the hype. I suspect that the only thing really at play here is a very clever marketing strategy. Very formulaic writing. Your parody said it all! Kudos!
WarrenB - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
A nice black and white look at a 'novel' novel. The syllable switches on the choruses were very clever. Enjoyed this a lot...can't beat it.
Lifeliver - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Never heard of the novel, but masterful subbing, conceptualization and originality as usual. LLOL'd at 'You scared me half to death, Beth'. This seems to be a popular parody vehicle.

As you seem to enjoy my efforts, I enjoyed a scan through your back catalogue out of curiosity - you developed quite a following for a while there. I'll add some further v/c if you want it. Quite a few DKOS's though.
Glen S - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Lots of great lines and uses of the OS. Very well done Wendy, and especially enjoyed the 'certain stage' stanza. I can relate to this too. My wife and some of her friends started reading it, and apparently started getting into the PLOT in the later books because there was just too much silly sex.
Phil Alexander - November 27, 2012 - Report this comment
Excellent, and a slightly different take on the 50 ways->Fifty Shades substitution.
Wendy Christopher - November 27, 2012 - Report this comment
Many thanks for all the lovely comments everyone - much appreciated as always. :^)

@Lifeliver: I tend to flit in and out of Amiright in between other writing projects. When I looked at your back catalogue (to avoid making the mistake I've often made in the past in the nature of 'I love your work, are you new to this site?' - only to find they've submitted several hundred parodies already and been around longer than I have!) it does look like we've kind of missed each other in terms of timing before now. I see we've both done a sheep parody :^) And yes, a lot of my parodies are to songs that most people probably wouldn't even WANT to admit to ever having heard. Is there a sufficiently opposite-in-meaning word for 'discerning?' If so, that's me.

@Peregrin: I thought as much! In all my sneaky peeks I kept looking for the rude bits, but I only ever managed to find the parts where they were talking about the furniture (I often wondered if I'd picked up 'Fifty Shelves of IKEA' by mistake.) That makes me either the unluckiest or luckiest person ever, depending on your point of view I suppose. :^)
Peregrin - November 27, 2012 - Report this comment
Bah humbug to Fifty Shades, I say! I can only take so many situations where, when things started to get steamy, the standard vanilla line: "He touched my sex", "he reached for my sex", "he brushed my sex" got constantly trotted out. Oh PUH-LEEEEEASE... I could write better soft porn with my eyes closed. Hell, some of M&P's parodies are raunchier than that!
Meriadoc - November 29, 2012 - Report this comment
Wendy - not familiar with the book, but I am with the OS, and your matched it beautifully.

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