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Song Parodies -> "50 Ways To Lose Your Liver"

Original Song Title:

"50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"50 Ways To Lose Your Liver"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

Your problem as applied your dead, she said to me,
Like cancer makes you queasy, it's not fake pathology.
I'd like to help you not to suffer agony,
There’s no nifty way to lose your liver.

She said it's mostly just bad habits that preclude,
Fervor lore for dope I'm screening what it cost and how you're screwed,
It's how you treat yourself; it's the risk for getting stewed,
There must be fifty ways to lose your liver.

Go shootin' up smack, Jack,
Out a beer can, Stan,
That bottle of joy, Roy,
Your an-at-o-my.
Smoke angel dust, Gus,
Thrown under the bus, Dutch,
Best drink Tetley Tea™, Lee,
Let your liver be.

Keep smokin' that crack, Mack,
Still sniffin' that glue, Stu?
Just keep on snortin' that line, Tyne.
You're soon his-tor-y.
Chug some Jim Beam™, Dean,
Keep usin' that crutch, Hutch,
Just snort up more crank, Frank,
Score some ecstasy.

She said, believe me this all is so damn insane,
It's bliss they seek, some think they could do to make what's vile no pain,
I said I appreciate that; I'll stick to "Mary-Jane",
And not those shifty ways...

She said why don't you just keep your usage light?
And I'll do all I can to make your liver sprite,
My liver's Swiss cheese, so best my will I'll write,
I know fifty ways to lose your liver,
Fifty ways to lose your liver...

Now, just throw back that shot, Dot,
Have some more wine, Kline,
Just cop some Quaalude, dude,
Get high as can be.
Hops makes for good brew, Drew,
You just need to get stewed, Jude,
Just drop LSD, Bea,
And ponder your knee.

You just sip on that schnapps, Pops,
Take some codeine, Gene,
Take some speed stay awake, Jake,
Don't listen, you'll see.
Cop you some rum, chum,
You just need to get numb, Bub,
Just go on a spree, Dee,
Go try it and see.

Bump da-da da-da da-da bump da-da-da

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jonathan S. - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
That was fantastic. I especially like how you made the chorus different each time.

555 Jager bombs
The Pinstriped Ghost of Mickey Mantle (channeled by Michael Pacholek) - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
You hit a home run with this one, Guy.
Old Man Ribber - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
How do I destroy my liver? Let me count the many ways! (Reading Elizabeth Barrett Browning actually brings on diabetes, harming the pancreas). Michael, Mantle was bound to get his replacement quickly...he was and always will be Number Seven! Great job by everyone here. ;D
Guy - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Jonathan - Thanks for the comment and the jager meister. I do try to make it a point to vary my choruses on each write that have them in the OS.

MP - I may have hit every bag, I think I was actually half in one. Thanks!

OMR - double oh seven - liver let die. I had no idea that Browning can be harmful to ones health and well being. I am hurrying to the old wood stove to burn some books as I type this. Thanks for the heads up, friend.
John Barry - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
15 yeas! for "Lose Your Liver."
Fiddlegirl - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
And remember, kids-- It's a liver, not a fighter... ;) 555
Mark Scotti - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
"SAVE THE LIVER!!!!", Quoting Dan Aykroyd as Julia Child....LOL!!!!!
Guy - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
JB - Yea, though it is a sad tale of liver worst. Thanks JB.

FG - As I have said before, who am I to argue with "The Teach". I'll believe that since I have never been in a fight with one. Could you imagine two livers wrestling? It would be an "All Liver Twist". Thanks FG.

Mark - yeah save the liver and lose a finger. HA! I remember that skit so well. Hilarious.

Two cannibals eating a mime's liver and one of them is making really loud gross noises while eating. The other says to the first, could you please eat more quietly?

Same two eating a clowns liver. One says to the other, hey does this liver taste funny?

Same two cannibals call the morgue and ask, hey do you deLIVER?

Thanks for the SNL recall and your attention and comment.
Andy P - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Hilarious & great subbing
LOL @ Just cop some Quaalude, dude
Guy - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Andy - thanks for the accolades. It's all in the deLIVERy. =;-)
WarrenB - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Cleese: Hello, we've come for your liver.
Man: Well, I'm using it right now.
(Cleese frisks the man, finds his wallet and produces an organ donor card)
Cleese: And what's this? Nuff said. Come along, now!
Beeeautiful! Read it, dug it, 5'd it.
Guy - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Warren - Beware the former repoman - He is heartless. Nice comment and it gives the parody another direction to think about. Thanks much!
Christie Marie M - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Guy - Hepatically hilarious! But not really because it sucks to lose your liver although I haven't lost mine yet (knocks on wood).

De-LIVER-ing you 5's, Guy!
CMM again - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Let me rephrase that: I meant to say your parody is hilarious but having liver loss sucks. I also loved the subbing in your lyrics for they are very catchy. Enjoyed them lots.
Ann Hammond - June 29, 2010 - Report this comment
cough cough
Tommy Turtle - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
May not be 100% medically correct (not all of those are directly hepatotoxic, nor hepatically metabolized), but when it's this funny and this skillfully written, who cares? Fiver, Fiver, Fiver.

re: comment @ Mark Scotti's "bacon" parody of Monday: Please don't put words in my mouth or thoughts in my brain. I understand that your intentions were of the best, but I'm quite capable of deciding for myself and expressing myself. The problem is that it puts me on the spot:

1) Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I did not find Mark's song to my taste, but out of courtesy, just didn't v/c, because taste is a personal thing. Now, you (and Mark) have pressured me to go there and say something. If I don't, then that is a slam at Mark. If I do, then I would have to vote it down, because I don't do false flattery (a little slack to noobs, but that's different.) Which embarrasses both Mark and me.
          In fact, this is true: If I have a *constructive* criticism to make, like, say, pacing glitches and how they could be fixed, I've never been hesitant to say so, as we all know. But I'd rather skip the ones of lesser interest than vote low on Funny, again, because what's funny to one isn't to another. Example: Of John Barry's nearly 3000 songs, I'm surely not going to love every one of them (nor have time to read them all, LOL). But with that many to choose from, I look at the ones of interest, and v/c -- including said constructive criticism if warranted, but plenty of Fives. And just let the rest go. You can't please *everyone* with one song, much less 3,000 -- or 900, like yourself -- etc.

2) If I do go to Mark's song and for any reason vote it down, it makes you look bad (for the prediction), and kinda multiplies the slam. Which again, makes Mark and me look worse, too.

3) Lastly, I'm enough of an oddball, square-peg-in-round-holed world, that predicting TT is, to say the least, a risky endeavor. ;-)

Again, I know that your intentions were good, as are mine in expressing my thoughts.. I respect frankness and not BS, and I know that you are the same, and I respect you for that. So I hope you'll take this commentary -- made the next day so that fewer other readers will see it -- in the spirit in which it was intended. You're a *great* parodist -- here's yet another example -- stay with that, and please let me choose what to read (and when -- my hiatal interruption is still in the "intermittent" state) and how to think and vote. Peace.

p. s. Please see reply to your comment @ "I Only Want to Pee...." re: email you sent.
Guy - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Christie - I get your meaning in your comment. No it is not a funny thing for people with liver disease. Take it for what it is meant, pure satire. Maybe not in the best of taste but then what parody writer out here who is worth their salt has not crossed the line in the interest of satire. The point of crossing the line is in how far does one cross the line before it really offends. I try to obey acceptable limits in my writing. Thanks.

Ann - Need a codeine fix or something along those lines? Now please turn head and cough again, please. Thanks for coughing up a comment.

TT - I heed your concern and I have jotted it all down in my little book of do's and don't's. As for the email I am almost glad that it didn't make it to you. I don't know what your reaction to it would have been after rethinking it and what you have said here. Besides the fact that I do not believe that I saved a copy of it. I will however send another email telling you what this one was about and see if you would like me to reiterate the original, that is if my email reaches you. I'll give it a few days before I try again. And yes I think you know that I knew that not all of what I described in the parody would cause liver damage. I personally do not think that every bit of every parody must be spot on with all of the facts pertaining to the subject as in this case. Thanks for your accolades.
Bilbopooh - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Now that is a potent warning right there! Triple fives!
Guy - June 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Bil - Yeah but how do you tell someone that they have a problem when their probelm is telling them that they don't. Thanks for the uptake.

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