“The comfort inside is in your bed,” sis said to me.
“We know that you’re sleaziness will end most tragically.
The doctors say there’s only one way to be free
You must get in rehab to be recovered”

I sensed sincerity inside her attitude
For this whore,
I know outside I must appear both rude and lewd.
And could I be myself, and not sleep with any dude?
And do I need rehab to get recovered?
Will rehab help me recover?

I’ll just jump out the sack, Jack
Start a new grand plan
I won’t need a new boy toy
This sin I will flee
Take out the ‘touch’ crutch
In group we’ll discuss much
Just hope they’ll have TV
And not a high fee

Ooo, hope they don’t lack tact
Have any sad grads
All I need is my soul whole
It’s no mystery
Wanna adjust lust
Won’t need to go strut butt
Just want ‘em to free me
Or else I’ll leave

The doctors all were nice and cured me of the pain
Although there was
Something deep inside that said, “Please don’t abstain.”
No way to alleviate that, alas, it's too ingrained.
And then there came the day...

There was this guy whose room was three doors to the right
I saw there was
Something in his eyes that said he knew my plight
And then he held me and I realized I’d likely spend the night
Golfer needs another lover

I’m on the du jour tour
With above par star
He’s a quite a known fat cat
A money machine
He’s my new pro beau
It’s not quite apropos
I’ll be his new green queen
He’s the swing king