The Rumbler

On a cold winter's evenin', my belly full of tacos
I met up with the rumbler, we were ready to explode.
So we took turns a goin' to the toilet at the station
'Til flatulence attacked us and that was when he spoke.

He said, "Son, my whole damn life I been flatulent severely
And I know that they ain't fragrant when people hold their nose.
So if you don't mind my sayin, I can see you're clenching dearly."
He handed me some Gas-X and said, "Take two of those."

So I drank my water bottle, 'cause the pills were hard to swallow.
When I grabbed a cigarette, he told me not to light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, "If you're gonna let out gas, boy, ya gotta learn to do it right."

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to blow 'em,
Whether to place the blame, or act like you're stunned.
Never relax your tummy when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for fartin' when the meal is done."

"Now, ev'ry rumbler knows that the key to being stealthy
Is knowin' what to hold inside, and knowin' what to leak.
'Cause each one could be silent, and each could be a trumpet,
And the best that you can hope for is to fart in your sleep."

So when he'd finished speakin, he squeezed out a silent killer,
I dropped my cigarette and covered up my nose,
And somewhere in the silence the rumbler's fart got even,
So in his final words it seemed an irony arose.

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to blow 'em,
Whether to place the blame, or act like you're stunned.
Never relax your tummy when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for fartin' when the meal is done."

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to blow 'em,
Whether to place the blame, or act like you're stunned.
Never relax your tummy when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for fartin' when the meal is done."