On a warm summer's evening on a plane bound for D.C.
I met a politician, more than a little drunk
So I thought - here's my chance to get a little scandal
Sell it to the papers and make myself some bucks

He said, "I've made a life out of ripping off the system
Knowing how to fatten up, my Swiss bank account
Kickbacks, gratuities, lurks and perks and payoffs
Fiddle pre-selections and always make the count"

So I said to him "Why sir, you must be so important
The size of your portfolio has got me so impressed."
And the night got deathly quiet and his face got sly and sneaky
Said, "To be a politician, you gotta sling the bullshit best

CHORUS
You gotta know when to bluff "em, know when to stuff "em
Know when to throw the shit, know when to duck
You never count on nothing, unless you're counting blackmail
Never admit to anything, "n always pass the buck

Every polly knows that the secret to survival
Is knowing how to get the vote when re-election's due
Promise the bastards anything and make it sound convincing
Then blame the opposition, cause they don't have a clue

Then he drank another whiskey, passed out and started snoring
While I sat and thought about how I could get my cut
Forget the tabloid magazines, I'll be a politician
I'll stand for the election, get my snout in the trough

CHORUS x 3