Brangelina
An Amiright Musical


Song Lyrics by the following AmIRight Parodists (in order)...

Rick Cormier - 1
Conqueror_Of_Parodies - 1
Stuart McArthur - 3
Johnny D - 1
John A. Barry - 1
Cat - 2
Matthias - 2
Red Ant - 1
Spaff.com - 1
Larry Hensley - 1
Royce Miller - 1

Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Concept, dialogue, and seamless continuity by Stuart McArthur


Letter to "Brett Broadway Productions"
New York


Dear Brett,

Thankyou for your quick reply. I'm glad you received my first draft of "BRANGELINA" and that you still support the project.

I'm disappointed you've cut the budget by $94,500 but I still believe I can achieve a quality result.

Unfortunately, where the original budget of $95,000 enabled a full cast, score and stage equipment, the cuts have forced me to reduce the cast to one (myself), and the equipment to a chair, table, bed, and a single blue spot. What's left will go towards bribing the critics.

And where the original budget allowed for 15 musical numbers, I can no longer afford the royalties.

So I wrote to all the song owners, and asked them to donate the rights in exchange for promotional Brangelina merchandise.

Michael Jackson, who owned 14 of the songs, gave a conditional acceptance. Sadly though, my children rejected his conditions, as it would have shattered our lives, and resulted in expensive psychiatric treatment down the track.

The one song the Perennial Pop Prince didn't own was "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" - written by Mr Andrew Webber Rice-Lloyd. As the letter I sent him has not elicited a response, I assume he has acceded to my request.

Consequently all 15 songs have been rewritten by Amiright song-writers to the music of Mr Rice-Lloyd's song.

The revised list of musical numbers is

"Don't Whine At me, Angelina"...........by Rick Cormier
"Don't Fight Bruce Lee, Angelina "..........by Conqueror_of_parodies
"Don't Tie Up Me, Angelina "..........by Stuart McArthur
"Don't Fight The Trees, Angelina "..........by Johnny D
"Don't Cry-O Me, Angelina "...........by John A. Barry
"Don't Try To See Angelina ".........by Stuart McArthur
"Don't Buy CDs, Angelina "........by Cat
"Don't Diet Me, Angelina "..........by Matthias
"Don't Fry The Peas, Angelina..........by Stuart McArthur
"Don't time it please, Angelina ".........by Red Ant
"Don't find the 'zines, Angelina ".........by Cat
"Don't Tight-Hole Me, Angelina...........by Spaff
"Don't Drive The Jeep, Angelina "............by Larry Hensley
"Don't Hide The Keys, Angelina ".........by Matthias
"Don't Mind Their Pleas, Angelina "............by Royce Miller


Following is the final draft for "BRANGELINA!"

I will play all the characters, including the narrator, and all the voice-overs.

Thankyou for your continued support.

Best regards,


Stuart McArthur









BRANGELINA

AN AMIRIGHT MUSICAL






[ THE STAGE IS DARK ]

NARRATOR
The year is 2004 and Oscar-winner Angelina Jolie is having trouble finding true love. The men in her life quickly tire of her wild ways. None of her relationships with Billy Bob Thornton, Johnny Lee Miller, her brother James, Colin Farrell, and Rick Cormier go the distance.

ANGELINA
But Rick, Rick, I LOVE you – can't you love this wild girl back?

RICK
We had our moments, Angie baby. In fact, at one time Angie, you made those clouds all disappe-ea-ea-ear. But it's over, babydoll.

ANGELINA
(clinging and crying)
Rick!!!! No!!!!


[ A BLUE SPOT HIGHLIGHTS A SINGLE CHAIR IN THE MIDDLEOF AN EMPTY STAGE.
RICK CORMIER IS SITTING CROSS-LEGGED ON THE CHAIR ]




"Don't Whine At Me, Angelina"
by Rick Cormier

RICK
It's not that easy, I won't be tamed
If you cry, it won't change what is real
It was thrills, wasn't love
Had a ball, it was fun

Why won't you leave me?
Go, you are free, little girl. We're done, through
Although, I confess, you are fine
Just kicks, it was heaven for you

Why DO you seduce husbands? Are you deranged?
Can't they stay with their wives? They are heels
I've no doubt they'll let you go
Saying you're not the one

No, you don't need them
Running around, trying everyone new
You never can trust them at all
They won't make exceptions for you

Don't whine at me, Angelina
The truth is I've never loved you
I'm just a wild lay
A badass piston
You'll learn much from this
Leave! I'm insistent

It must be torture to lose this game
I'm rather delighted to win
Though your dreams have been hurled
Burned them all in my fire

It's so amusing
You, in your confusion,
come running to me
And as all your tears fall and dry
I'm dumping you, cope with it please

Don't whine at me, Angelina

(Cheesy, karaoke orchestral interlude)

Let go my knee, Angelina
It's useless to beg, don't grovel
You were but child's play
Loved your mink mittens
You'll grow much from this
Leave, I'm insistent

Please don't keep in touch
There is the door, you can slink off, Tomb Raider, you
Don't call, for we are through, I took your key
I am a precious bird that flew