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Song Parodies -> "A Nationals Disaster"

Original Song Title:

"Both Sides Now"

Original Performer:

Joni Mitchell

Parody Song Title:

"A Nationals Disaster"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

Back when my Nat's opened this season at 1-1 I announced my preparedness to settle for 161-1 by the time October arrived. As season's end now looms, I'm just happy not having to settle for 1-161. Alas, imagine a Nat -- any Nat -- as the voice singing this ditty. :- ( :-)
Of fastballs I have seen a few,
of curves and cutters, change-ups, too,
and splitters, spitters, sliders … oooh,
that I can’t put in play.
Seeming sly as Scaramouche,
hurlers wild as “Nuke” Laloush
throw pitches past me with a whoosh
to notch another “K”.

I’ve strived to clout from both sides now
but swung or stared with knitted brow
while hearing umpires third strikes call …
I’ve really got no clout at all.

And I am no defensive shield,
for, badly as I bat, I wield
my glove yet worse when in the field
(like Buckner’s nightmare day[1]),
routinely dropping routine flies
and granting grounders seeing eyes.
One base or more’s a gimme prize
when balls are hit my way

I’ve tried my glove on both sides now,
at first and third, and I allow
a base on ev’ry batted ball …
I’ve really got no glove at all.

In short, I am a one-man skid
on whose contract no one would bid,
an albatross my team can’t rid
by trading me away.
No matter what or how I try,
to Casey’s query[2] my reply
would have to be “No, Sir, not I” …
there’s nothing more to say.

And baseball fans on all sides now
must surely know this Baseball Tao:
In DC as in Montreal
I really can’t play ball at all.

[1] Bosox Bucker’s game-losing 10th-inning boot in Game 6 of the ’86 World Series not only opened the door for the Mets’ eventual Series triumph, but he’d gone 0-for-5 in the game, stranding runners each at bat. [2] Casey Stengel, re 1962 Mets “Can’t anybody here play this game”?

© Stan Hall

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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 5   5

User Comments

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Invisible Boy - August 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan !!!...Where have you been ?
This one speaks to me brother. I remember well the Bill Buckner moment and once mentioned him in one of my parodies (Hotel Boston Common)
You, as well, were mentioned by me a while back...
Welcome's great to see Stanny being Stanny
Stan - August 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, IB, and thanks for the pointer to your fabulous "Supercal..." parody--I'd hate to have missed it. Life got too busy for a bit to loll in parodyland but it's nice to have an op to drop back in.
alvin - August 27, 2008 - Report this comment
as a baseball fan i ate this one up,....good luck to your nats next year
Michael Pacholek - May 18, 2009 - Report this comment
Alas, poor Expos. I knew them, Horatio. The Nation's Capital waited so patiently for Major League Baseball to return. Now they're waiting for the home team to play it. Sorry I missed this one when it was first out: It achieves a greatness the franchise hasn't since, oh, 1994. (Heck, even in 1996 they were a strong second place.)

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