I hear that clock a buzzin'
It's time for lunch again
And I ain't had a bagel
Since I don't know when
But I'm on the Atkins diet
And time keeps draggin' on
But I'm eating so much protein
I'll get a kidney stone

When I was just a baby
My mama told me 'son
If you eat a hot dog
Be sure to hold the bun
But I made a grilled cheese sandwich
Just to watch it fry
When I smell those cookies bakin'
I hang my head and cry

I bet there's slim folks eatin'
Whatever food they please
They're probably exercisin'
And burning calories
But I knew I had it comin
I know I can't eat macaroni
But those slim folks keep eatin'
And that's what tortures me.