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Song Parodies -> "Thank God For The Rubber Toys"

Original Song Title:

"Thank God I'm A Country Boy"

Original Performer:

John Denver

Parody Song Title:

"Thank God For The Rubber Toys"

Parody Written by:

Dee Range

The Lyrics

Wake up in the morn with hunger attacks
I munch an old rotten peach straight from the sack
The johnny cakes rise, twenty on my stack
Good God I'm a hungry boy

Well I never had a wife who could cook worth a damn
So raisins in my cereal and lots of stinkin' Spam
My stomach's now filled with some kickin' legs of lamb
Thank God I'm a hungry boy


Then I drink me some fine wine, the box is five liters
With her buns risin' up you can bet that I'll eat her
Life's been good 'cept this runny runny peter
Thank God for the doctor boy

When the food's all gone and my gut's hangin' low
I whip out my diddle gettin' ready for the ho'
My staff's at half mast and Viagra's runnin' low
Right now I'm a horny boy

I'd stay really wooden all day if I could
Put the sword to the wife cause she fakes it really good
Then I diddle with her man, under that hood
"Oh God!!!" she's a screamin' joy


Well I had me a fine wife, but then she turned cheater
'Cause I caught her in bed with a man she called Peter
As it turned out she's a purple peter eater
And now I'm a single boy

So I traded in my wife for whiskey and gruel
They always make fun of me, specially when I drool
I'm lathered when I diddle, in back of that mule
That's par for Kentucky boys

Yeah I once tried smokin' up some crack on a screen
Forgot about brushin' , last tooth was turnin' green
Now I just gum my food and stick to caffeine
Thank Juan I'm a coffee boy


Then I drink me some fine wine, the box is five liters
While my bride's blowin' up I let her know how I'll treat her
'Less she complains about my puny little peter...
Thank Dow for the rubber toys

I'll be livin' in my shanty till I'm old and dried
Now I'm waitin' on the porch for my ma-il order bride
My last one deflated with a hole in her side
And it made me an angry boy

Now laddies here's a hint if your dolls are turnin' brittle
It starts when you drool 'cause there's acid in your spittle
So douse her in lube and rub it in just a little
And she'll be a nightly joy

I got a Dolls 'R Us bride I sure like to diddle
Stick a gag in my mouth to cut back on the spittle
When I get wood I ain't usin' it to whittle
Thank God for the rubber toys

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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McKludge - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Wonderfully crude! I forgot just how annoyingly long the OS is. 555
John Barry - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
A lovely latex libretto. LOL.
alvin - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
more twists and turns than a suspense novel....especially liked the "runny runny peter"
Jack Wilson - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
This OS has been on my to do lsit for two years now. 5s the best since "Aint Got Me a Bungee Cord" and "O Gawd Im a Gay Cowboy"
Matthias - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Great job on changing the chorus every time, it was a very clever job.
cherylcapri - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
LOL! This one needs JibJabbin' please. Enjoyed the last three you put up there.
AFW - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Beyond the barricades...way to go..three x's, er, I mean fives
Kristof Robertson - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Dee...I hate to break it to ya, mate: but your life SUCKS! :-) This just got sillier and more fun as it went along. A big set o' fives.
Jeff Reuben - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
I will never be able to go to an Oriole game, where they play this song during the seventh inning stretch, the same way again! Brilliant!
Anonymous Parodist - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Super funny stuff. 5's.
Dee Range - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone for the nice comments, and sorry I'm late responding. I have been planning to move in 2-3 weeks but got a call today and am starting a new job much sooner, and have been packing all day. I'll be absent here for quite a while....take care and I'll see ya when I can :-)
stuart mcarthur - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
You had me at the title Dee, but then you outDeed yourself - as alvin said, more bizarre twists and turns than the Paris Hilton jail saga - and way to get that purple people eater gag in!! - 555
Phil Alexander - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Simply wonderful, Dee :-D

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