All my bag is stuffed with things I've seen
Above, below and in between
I ain't sure how I'll drag it up the aisle
And the zip is breaking, the bag's too full
My hand is shaking, can hardly pull
And the stewardess looks really quite hostile

Chorus:
My bag is heavier than before
'Cause it's packed with so much more
Of bits that I've "picked up", why? I don't know
I'm thieving from a jet plane
It's my kleptomaniac brain
Take-off, it's time to go

There's so many things I've stuck in here
The safety card, a tin of beer
I snaffled from the trolley as it passed
Everywhere I look there's loads more swag
The lifejacket, a few sick bags
Soon I'll work out how to get the O2 masks

So pass me that small TV
From the seat in front of me
Into this pocket it can go
I'm thieving from a jet plane
Must be 'cause I'm in debt again
I paid, here's quid pro quo

Now it is time to end this lark
Landed, now we disembark
Pick up my bag, ignoring what it weighs
Only one more thing to get
If I can just unscrew this jet
Now it's time to make my getaway

They chase me, they're after me
The whole staff, I laugh, tee hee
Catch me, and they'll never let me go.
I'm thieving from a jet plane
I guess I really can't complain
As off to jail I go

I'm thieving from a jet plane
Lawyer says I should plead "insane"
How many years to go?