Minty fresh, my breathwell-pressed, my clothes
No more verucas on my toes
My date will think I'm such a studly guy
But I'm perspiratin'what's the use?
Debilitatin'this odour of moose
Rank waterfalls from my pits make me cry

It's risky to cuddle me
When my glands act friskily
You'll get soaked with armpit overflow
I'm leavin'lotsa sweat stains
My laundry bill's a freakin' pain
Oh babeplease hold your nose

With my work shirts pasted to my back
I'm keeping Right Guard in the black
My antiperspirant regime takes hours
On a subway train, I stand alone
You can prob'ly smell me down the phone
When near me, even hobos want to show'r

Don't diss me or smirk at me
It's a disability
My libido's lost to le B.O
I'm leavin'lotsa sweat stains
Blacklisted at the gym again
At nightpit mushrooms grow

Just a chemical reaction
Weapon of musk distraction
In need of some Wind beneath my Wings
One day I might find a bride
We'll love with windows open wide
And I'd proposealready got two rings

I'm stickymalodour-y
Skin's gone green and Yoda-ry
Only real fat guys and Brad Pitt know
That leavin'constant sweat stains
And leakin' like a broken drain
Sucks likea toothless ho