Song Parodies -> "Jacob Gump (TV show Lost)"

Original Song Title:

"Aqualung"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Jacob Gump (TV show Lost)"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

In the season five finale we finally get to know Jacob. Two things about him stood out for me. The first one is how Jacob appeared in so many different Lostie flashbacks, sort of like Forrest Gump who seemed to be ubiquitous in his presence by the sides of Presidents and at important, iconic world events. This similarity has me convinced Jacob is a Gump. The second thing that stood out is his miserly ways. Sure, in an earlier scene he purchased the lunchbox to save young Kate from getting in trouble with the law. but what the producers didn't show you is that the check bounced!.... A couple of other themes, like Jacob's feel good one-liners and Lost fans devotion to examining miniscule details in scenes, are sprinkled in. The song picks up midway in the Jacob flashbacks, with the John Locke one first. (Please be forwarned, this is the PG-13 version with a harsh cus' word redacted, and obviously so.)

Sitting on a park bench --
reading somethin' weird the book club sent
Snot is running down his nose --
in HD with shot zoomed extra close
Hey, Jacob Gump!
Returns books when he's done --
listens for John Locke' eight story stun
Hey, Jacob Gump!
Never will be dumbstruck--
spitting out verses of some Hallmark guck
Oh/Hey, Jacob Gump!

He streaks forth and fro --
watch this man wander ev'ry scene
Screen face time
the only way he knows
Legs hurting bad,
for ol' John Locke whose wounded lots, then
Gump splits to the next scene
and waits his cue.

You're so well-timed --
Bride and groom receiving line
Give some Dr. Phil quotes-
they'll buy 'couple these
JacobGump my friend --
don't you sneak away cheap'ly
you tightfisted bum, you see nothing's free.

Did you still remember
to bring a wedding gift? --
With these free grubs
clinging to your wallet's
living cheapily.
And you snatch your back pocket
with Eb-en-eez-er sounds,
then you go va-room quite
fast to the next scene...

Sun's crying, y'know --
a white man crashed her reception.
But this time,
the money Gump will blow
Looks hurting bad,
as he spends to pick up ol' Jack
He goes to his loose change -
sets it free

Apollo bar --
was dangling until,
salvation a la Gump, but
maybe on the cheap
JacobGump my friend --
did you walk away so easy? -
'You pour old slugs into the ma-chine? Say no!

(Guitar solo)

Jacob Gump my friend --
are you in ev'ry flashback scene?
Forrest skipped Ford, but you did Sayid. One mo'... *

Sitting in a parked cab --
eyeing a fat man with weird intent
Snot is running down his nose --
guy on a site said zoom extra close --
Hey, Jacob Gump!
After this scene is done --
time to pay the fare, then watch him run
Hey, Jacob Gump!
Crap, he's such a cheap....mmm....duck --
Oh, the heck with it, he's a cheap (CENSORED)!
Hey, Jacob Gump!

Ohh, Jacob Gump....

(* Substituting "Carter" for "Ford" is acceptable.)

Check out more Lost song parodies at: Lost: The Rock Opera.

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