There was a young Cowboy, Michael Irvin's his name
Aikman and Emmit were his football companions
Three out of four years they were Super Bowl champions
Till Michael started playin' a whole 'nother game

Now as my blood pressure rises I watch Channel five
Irvin's in court, man that mink coat looks queer
Shades on his eyes, just to hide that he's wired
Says he ain't guilty, but this much is clear
Marty Griffin is probably near

Sing goodnight to your topless dancers
Say goodbye to that bag of cocaine
The silver and blue, have been tarnished anew
By big breasts and powdery dreams
And now you pee in a bottle after games

Sometime that December, you had a big bag of blow
And a couple of hookers in that Irving hotel room
You did some fast talkin' when those cops came a knockin'
Ten questions answered, but ten thousand more to go

There's a song that you sing when you pee in that bottle
A song that you sing when you juke and you jive
Somethin' about Marty and that damn Channel five
Baby you can deny it if it helps you to sleep
But the video works just fine for me

Sing goodnight to your topless dancers
Say goodbye to that bag of cocaine
The silver and blue have been tarnished anew
By big breasts and powdery dreams
And you pee in a bottle after games

Well last year you got hurt, and forced to retire
Got you a job as a football broadcaster
Until you got nailed by those FBI basturds
Who slapped you in handcuffs and dragged you to jail

As soon as you bailed out, you said "man this is bull.
They just found a roach, and this rap I can beat it"
Marty Griffin said "Michael, why didn't you just eat it?"
Michael said"The first pound made me full"

Sing goodnight to your topless dancers
Say goodbye to that job on T.V.
The silver and blue are finally rid of you
Let's hope that it's just what they need
I bet you're still stoned from eatin' all that weed