Doctor says I am getting large
Cause I’m eating too much starch
But that sounds harsh, cause I don’t really eat that much
I’m not like those sugar freaks
With their berries and their beets,
Or like the cheaters with their frosties and their fudge

Matzohs and fries:
How can that be wrong?
I am surprised
I don’t look better in my thong...

I have cut out all the sweets,
Cut out all the fatty meats
And all the treats that ev'rybody knows ain't good
I just keep my diet plain
Only vegetables and grains
How come I’m gainin' when I eat the things I should?

Pasta and rice:
Ain’t these healthy foods?
I am surprised
My diet sticks to me like glue

Lotsa bow-ties,
four-banana shakes
A guy who tries
As hard as me deserves a break…