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Song Parodies -> "Todd Akin's Song"

Original Song Title:

"Herod's Song"

Original Performer:

Herod (from Jesus Christ Superstar)

Parody Song Title:

"Todd Akin's Song"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Todd Akin, GOP Senate candidate: ‘Legitimate rape’ rarely causes pregnancy

..possibly the most stupid thing a politician has *ever* said: stupid, because it's is misogynistic, biologically inaccurate and ridiculous.. but also because he presumably still wants to get elected, and spouting objectionable rubbish like that is a good way to alienate (at least) half your electorate.

Of course, there is even the outside possibilty that he believes this to be the case, in which case anybody that votes for him is possibly even more stupid than Mr Akin himself.
Ladies, I am overjoyed to put you in your place
I've been making quite a name in my Senate race:
Talking bollocks, gynalogic'ly
And now I've said if it was rape
Your body won't conceive

So, if it was rape, yes
Legitimate rape
Your body will reject that stuff
No way you'll get up the duff
If that egg's fertilized
That rape story was lies
You know, you just got screwed

Ladies, you just won't believe the shit I've sprayed around here.
Redefining "ignorance", the blunder of the year.
Oh, it's so shitty, prattling 'bout "sin"
Still, I'm sure that there's enough dumb ****s to vote me in

And so, if it was rape, yes
Legitimate rape
It won't happen, be surprised
If that egg gets fertilized
If your period's late
It was legitimate
You know, you just got screwed

I'm only trying to prevent abor-shee-yun
Any life is sacred, don't deny it: you had fun
I am thinking it's Gubmint's rightful place:
Government so small that it will fit in that tight space

And so, if it was rape, yes
Legitimate rape
You just might think that I'm full
Of "inconceiva"-bull
Why do you look aghast
At me being an arse
Too bad, you just got screwed

Hey! Aren't you scared about rape?
It's *legitimate* rape
Not a joke, I'm being blunt
And an objectionable.. person
Still, I will win
The people will vote me in
Then you'll know you were
Yes, you'll know you were
Oh how you'll know you got screwed

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
It gets even more stupid when you realize his opponent is a woman, Senator Claire McCaskill.
Callmelennie - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Well in fact Claire McCaskill is no longer his opponent as Akin has withdrawn following a Cat 5 sh*tstorm from every corner of the Republican party. That's the difference between Republicans and Democrats, Mike. We come down like the hammer of Thor on our retards. Meanwhile, you keep defending Obama's "You didn't build that" remark, even as the damage goes from a one to a ten to a million
Phil Alexander - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
"We come down like the hammer of Thor on our retards"???

Poe's law strikes. I can't tell whether the above is supposed to be a joke or not.
Patrick - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Like the line about "smaller government" being small enough to fit in a tight space. Great observation. By the way, Clair McCaskill ran the ads that won Akin the Republican nomination. She simply stated his positions on a variety of issues, all popular with the Tea Party branch of the party. Then she called him "too conservative". His own ads, if I even remember seeing them, were nowhere near as effective.
LGF - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
So... now that they've caught him in bed with a live boy, when's Kerry Gauthier's last day?
Meriadoc - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
'be surprised - if that egg gets fertilized' - heh heh. Good line.
John Barry - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Same two morons, Phil.
alcaponejunior - August 21, 2012 - Report this comment
I just spewed beer all over my computer screen!
constitution guy - August 22, 2012 - Report this comment
all the BS about akin and the next jerks gaff and the next. . . what is important is how every conservative talk show host and the republican party told akin to step down. it's called the check and balance system. it's called policing your dogs. akin didnt create a huge sin but it will turn off morons who may vote for the liar odumba. again, ONLY republican voters police their rats. demoncrats let their diseased leppers win and run and win and run and it just shows the lack of integrity on the left in the voters. akin isnt important as long as odumba can still talk, cause he only lies and still probably thinks there's 57 states plus one. if the demoncrats dont cheat a real lot, they lose. be good to get rid of this promise breaking liar
Phil Alexander - August 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Again, it's almost impossible to tell whether the post above is a parody or not: if it's a parody, it's not really funny enough, but I find it almost impossible to believe that someone could post this kind of incoherent drivel in all seriousness.

Callmelennie - you said "in fact Claire McCaskill is no longer his opponent as Akin has withdrawn": would you care to comment on your use of the word "fact", given that Akin hasn't withdrawn?
Callmelennie - August 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Yes I would Phil. It wasn't a fact; it was a wishful thought based on a report which was based on an assumption that Akin wasn't a pathological retard who would drag his party and country down to stay in a race that he has no hope of winning. Never seen a Republican pol quite like him. So, looks like ya GOT ME THERE, PHIL!! And say Phil -- care to comment on the reports that Democrats donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to Akins campaign. Makes me wonder what all the Dem outrage is about.
Phil Alexander - August 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Callmelennie - there isn't one single amorphous "Democrat": there are people who are outraged and condemnatory, there are those who may well be equally outraged but see electoral advantage in Akin sticking in the race - not something I'd do myself, or condone, but it doesn't have any effect on the outrage others have expressed. Having said that, a quick google fails to show up any stories about Democrats having donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to Akin's campaign - might this be another example of wishful thinking?

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