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Song Parodies -> "That Heck Of A Feminist, Cheryl"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"That Heck Of A Feminist, Cheryl"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

Not unlike Forrest Gump, Cheryl was there through the 60s, 70s and 80s to influence and lead the feminist movement......(and posthumously help me do my first WOTEF - for six now of the "big seven")
The legend lives on although Cheryl's long gone
Her achievements we'll always remember
for she was the wick of that proud candlestick
that burnt bras to empower her gender

The day she was born Cheryl didn't seem normal
a mixed-up though gifted young baby
Her mother forswore when the doc cut the cord
she cried "Mummy don't let him castrate me"

And when she was three, she said "Pink's just not me
and I can't stand those dolls that I play with"
She went to her room and repainted it blue
and put posters up of Rita Hayworth

She said "In the toilet, I'll wee like a boy! It
is unfair to stereo-type me"
Her mum said "But Cher, you'll just spray everywhere"
She said "So buy more paper to wipe me"

When Cheryl left school her mum told her "Now you'll
need to learn how to take down dictation"
but with her first boss, Cheryl found that she was
better talented at dickdilation

She rose to the top - pinched the CEO's job
by seducing him, much to his peril
He quit in disgrace and his staff heard him say
"You're a heck of a feminist Cheryl"

A lightbulb appeared when she read Germaine Greer
and thought "This macho world I can conquer!"
She vowed there and then to outsmart lesser men
and let only celebrities bonk her

Her bras she burnt next - and she read Joy of Sex
and was quite the seductress by thirty
She'd search through the city to find Warren Beatty
whenever she "felt kinda dirty"

She took life's rewards but she quickly got bored
so a NASA course Cheryl enrolled in
They said "Sorry pet, but we don't drill girls yet"
which she laughed at by bonking Buzz Aldrin

Her next escapade was to conquer LA
which she did, taking duties on (mayoral)
and the grapevine is sure that Mary Tyler Moore
based her TV-role "Mary" on Cheryl

She then employed sex to infect politics
hoping Richard M. Nixon to demote
Though Bernstein and Woodward claim they shot the bullet
t'was she who played Deep Throat to Deep Throat

It wasn't by chance that she quickly advanced
(her political skills were self-evident)
and one frosty morn, on the White House front lawn
she announced her campaign to be president

When it came to the vote, the American folk
were as ready for her as they'd ever be
Then tragic but true, she made one fatal blue
she went out on a date with Ted Kennedy

At her funeral wake, over coffee and cake
stood the famous - like Oprah and Meryl
Their grief was utmost as they all drank a toast
"To that heck of a feminist...Cheryl!"

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 31

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   29

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Adagio - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Who is Cheryl, besides a feminist? Good going on this one, Stu. It seemed as though you invented a word back there. :D 5's
Jack Wilson - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Loved it Stu! 5s
Michael Pacholek - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
It wouldn't be an official "Wreck" parody if I didn't at least comment... Ooooh! So close! But I had to dock you a point for dragging Ted into it. Now, if you'd said she'd gotten shot by Dick Cheney, that would've gotten you the five. Other than that, though, a pretty good effort.
Cheryl - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
The lesson we glom is, ones dipshits are not gone.
Yoidy - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
This sure flows. Like a feminists clothes! 555
alvin rhodes - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
title of the day and the parody lived up to the promise
AFW - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
mind if I Cheryl these fives with you?....Excellent story, rhyming and phrasing..
Stuart McArthur - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
thanks adagio - hope you liked that word! ;-)

thanks Jack

LOL Cheryl - as you can see, I'm a big fan!

thanks yoidy, alvin and AFW

Thanks Michael for the read, but I've gotta be honest. I know you're young mate, but getting docked a point for pacing because I mention Chappaquiddick in a historical Forrest-Gump-style retrospective of American history (where I also have a tilt at Tricky Dicky) just because he's on your "team" in your "he's behind you, he's behind you" melodrama-like us-versus-them trivialising view of American politics, where ALL your guys wear white hats and ALL their guys wear black hats, would have to be the most ridiculous thing that's ever happened to me at amiright (ones-voters are sad, not ridiculous) - that's all mate

unless it's an American thing - because in Australia we take politics seriously - we vote what's best for the country and sometimes it's the left (my default leanings) and sometimes it's the right - if you don't make an educated, informed, objective, unemotional, and detached choice on polling day about which party to elect to make important decisions that affect the lives of billions, and simply vote the same way each time, as you would for your footy team (so you know already who you'll be voting for in 2050, irrespective of their policies) then you're rendering yourself irrelevant to the whole political process.

If everyone voted so blindly, the politicians would have it dangerously easy because they'd never have to rethink or fine-tune their policies because everyone already knows who they're going to vote for, so (yawn) what's the point...

Chappaquiddick happened - it called into question Ted Kennedy's character - that's what I was making a joke about (as well as trying to find a clever way for Cheryl to die, to explain why there's a "legend" about her) - it's not a political swipe at your "team" for God's sake - I'm not in High School any more

uh oh! here I am arguing with MP - Linda, please don't think this means I'm waving streamers for your "team"!! *shudder*
Cheryl Fann - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Great stuff...this is funnier, and better, than any of pacholicks attempts at this song...he is a left wing idiot fer sure, and probably 1'd this, forget about the point docking. He 1's every thing Republican or anti-Yankee, so don't feel bad. He's just jealous that your first attempt at this is better than any of his
Stuart McArthur - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't agree that Michael's an idiot (or jealous - some of his TWOTEFs are classics) - he's clearly a highly-intelligent and witty bloke - that's what makes it so bewildering - that's why I can only put his blinkered attitude down to youth
Meriadoc - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
5-5-5-5 (The extra five is for sneaking Germaine Greer in) :-)
John Jenkins - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
From "dickdilation" to "Deep Throat to Deep Throat," this is outstanding.
Stuart McArthur - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
thanks Merry - I was hoping Germaine was as well know there as she is in the UK and Oz

thanks JJ :-)
Meriadoc - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Stu - she isn't, but I have an inside line... ;-)
Peregrin - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Stu ! Great read ! I awarded you 3 x 5's for the parody, I enjoyed it so much :)

Then I awarded you 3 more 5's for your spray above, many is the time when Merry's sat back and patiently (?) listened to me say exactly the same thing (though, slightly less eloquently) about the American political system. In fact, Mery told me that it could well have been me who had written it !

Then, however, I had to take away three 5's simply because you mentioned Germaine Greer ! You will understand however, as an Aussie, why I feel that way :) In truth of course, I had to take them away away to offest the awarding of the extra 5's, but what better reason to do so than Australia's worst cultural ambassador... !
Phil Alexander - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Wish I knew the Cheryl this was about... typically excellent work, Stu.
Michael Pacholek - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Stuart: I don't question your sincerity, but Gough Whitlam is still alive, and you might want to ask him if Australians always vote what's best for the country. But I appreciate your smackdown of the Terhune. And Merry has a point, putting Germaine Greer in a parody is pretty good. ("Gloria Steinem" would've fit with the rhythm of this song, but "Betty Friedan" and "Patricia Ireland" wouldn't.) Now, if you can do something with the name "Camille Paglia," then I'll be REALLY impressed! Pip: Australia's worst cultural ambassador? Gotta be that Jacko guy from the pre-bunny Energizer battery commercials. "Oi!" I wish Steve Irwin had bopped HIM on the head with a stick! Or that Paul Hogan would show him... "That's a knife!" "Cheryl": If I didn't know better, I'd swear that was written by "my evil twin Bernard."
Peregrin - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
MP - really quickly : Gough - not simply a case of being voted out - there were lots of factors with his 'dismissal' and subsequent loss of the following election that cannot as simply be attributed solely to voter dissatisfaction. In retrospect, and with the benefit of hindsight, it would be interesting to know if the outcome would have been the same... Basically, you had to have been here to fully understand the machinations...

Jacko ? Sure, but in comparison, a momentary blip on the radar compared to 30 painful years of GG. I stand by my rating !!!
Stuart McArthur - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Phil - Cheryl is as real as Forrest Gump was :-)

Thanks Pippin - I'm fascinated by US politics and I don't have a problem with their system - I'm starting instead to think that our compulsory voting is a good thing. In the US, elections are decided by how many of each "team" decide to turn out on Polling Day. In Australia, because we're all forced to vote, each of us has to decide which party to vote for in EVERY (even minor) election - so despite our leanings we become much more bipartisan and our elections end up being decided on issues and policies.

No Australian would admit (s)he always voted for the same party, because that implies (s)he's uneducated or that (s)he lazily (irresponsibly, childishly) votes the way his/her parents voted. I don't know anybody who knows how they'll vote in 2012, yet from what I see on amiright most Americans seem to already know - they'll vote for their "team" - that's why I refer to their politics as "Carlton/Collingwood" politics.

Michael - you've given me a bit of an easy free kick mate ;-)......

The reason the Whitlam example perfectly makes my point is that the SAME voters who voted him in, also voted him out - because Australians all HAVE to vote by LAW - I personally cheered Whitlam in as a bright-eyed youthful leftie Labour supporter, and then I personally put a cross against his name on polling day in December 1975. If Americans had been forced to vote in both those elections for us, it seems that necessary turnaround would not have happened.

My worry is that Australia has the significance of a mosquito fart in world politics compared to the US - yet our voting is on an informed unemotive "good-of-the-country" basis, and you guys (whose decision affects billions) seem to just blindly barrack for your teams - generally speaking of course! - love youse all though :-)
Stuart McArthur - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
whoops - I forgot to type a ">" and this whole paragraph got lost - please insert before the final 2 paragraphs above...

Gough Whitlam (from your "team") was elected in a landslide in 1972 because the Right Wing "Liberal Party" (your "enemy") had become tired and irrelevant. 3 years later he was ousted in a BIGGER landslide (biggest electoral swing ever) because his government was totally incompetent (except for him and Hayden). Even Gough has admitted that recently. The process that brought on the election, although legal, was morally dodgy but that's another issue, or another conspiracy theory if you've seen "The Falcon And The Snowman." The Whitlam government made sweeping changes for the good of the country, but as for their incompetent handling of the economy, google "Khemlani"
Peregrin - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
To add to the above : Yes. I don't disagree with the assertions you have made above. My point, though perhaps not as clearly made as I would have liked, is that I really wish what happened in 1975 hadn't, that is, all the crap that overshadowed it. I think your point is a good one, that is, in retrospect, Whitlam and Hayden *were* the Government ! As for voting, I *know* compulsory voting is a good thing !

P.S. : Carlton !!!!! ;-p
Stuart McArthur - March 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Richmond, but if I had to choose, Collingwood!!!!!

and yes, Pippin, I totally agree re Germaine Greer (who is, according to Robert Palmer, "Addicted to Pub"-licity) - she'd be easier to handle if she knew that we know that she thinks she knows that we think she's sexy, when of course noone gives a toss, even if maybe in the sixties she once was

try putting that line into!
The Charnstar - April 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Yeah, them crazy feminists. They wannna be equal by putting down men... crazy... 555
Peter Andersson - April 16, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Haven't thought about it, but now since "the zipper took it all" maybe I should become a feminist...
Agrimorfee - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't see Cheryl here as much of a feminist, due to her constant bedding to the top, but that don't matter, since you tackeled a TWOTEF with the expected pinnache and verve.
stuart mcarthur - April 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks but I disagree Ag. Feminists, esp. the militant ones in Cheryl's day, were deliberately proactive about sex in the way they considered men to be - "if they do it so must we" - that's why Germaine Greer still brags about how many men she bedded for her own her purposes and to make an "equality" point

also, Madonna would be the quintessential modern-day feminist in the way she unthinkingly simply bats any hint of old-day feminine weakness or demureness or chastity out of the corporate ballpark, and nobody "bedded her way to the top" more cleverly than she did :-)
Max Power - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
bobpiecheese - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Some people go just a little bit crazy to support what they believe in. Well done, Stu!
wannabemustangjockey - April 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It's obvious you put a Great Lakes ore freighter's worth of effort into this parody - great job!
Matthias - April 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Congrats on completely 6 of the Holy Grail 7. I enjoyed it although I don't know who is Cheryl character is.
Jason - April 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This is very very good and worthy of a 5s
Kristof Robertson - April 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Sorry I missed this first time round, Stu. Boy, you've sure stirred up a hornets nest. But heck, it's good to have some thought provoking humour that isn't partisan. Well done mate. 555
Michael McVey - April 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Modern feminists only do women, at least in the U.S. They are nothing like their '60s counterparts -- now they consider all heterosexual sex to be rape and all men to be potential rapists. Therefore, modern feminists would hate Cheryl's guts just for being straight. The parody itself was witty and well-written, and I have long disagreed with MP and others who rate an author's political views rather than the quality of the parody itself. But I don't agree with some of the other comments made about him. He is intelligent and a good parody writer in his own right, it's just that by leaning so far left he misses some opportunities. As a libertarian I get to attack both the right and the left and I often do so in the same song. We have compulsory voting in Peru and I think it primarily leads to corruption. But then again, so does the voluntary system in the U.S. Suffice it to say that imo the right to vote implies the right not to.
stuart mcarthur - April 29, 2007 - Report this comment
well said Mike - much as I like an argument, I can't find a sentence that I disagree with (allowing for generalisation) although re Michael P. I'd change "good" to "great"
Compulsory voting has always seemed undemocratic and a violation of rights to me, but compared to the negatives of non-compulsory voting the way I see them (as stated in my above comment) it's definitely the better option
Johnny D - April 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The Southern Cross stars and the Union Jack bars fly so proudly 'bove Melbourne and Sydney ... 'tis the land of the man whose wit none can withstand, makes you laugh 'til you're sore in the kidney!
Mikey Squirrel - April 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Another long song! There's alot this month. But this is really good. Don't have an opinion on the subject matter (seems to be enough in here) so I'll just say good job, Stu.
Below Average Dave - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) My God, you know, most of my top 5 choices is easy, with 18 songs down, this is one of 7 I will have to really contend for my top 5. . .Epic, Epic Epic
Wolverine - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Wow, a long, well done song. Funny and serious at times. "She'd search through the city to find Warren Beatty - whenever she "felt kinda dirty"" LOL
Jack Wilson - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Tim Mayfield - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well done. I got confused by the conflicting information, but was still enjoyable.
Chris Frederick - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Excellent! I'm writing a WOTEF parody right now, and am finding the sort-of-rhyming style of TOS to be very difficult to duplicate. You did a fabulous job on that in particular, and on the parody in general.

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