The legend lives on (thanks to old Elton John)
Of Diana, princess and sweet maiden
But years have passed by: it's Camilla, not Di
Whose betrothal we'll be celebratin'

Chuck took her aside; “Cammy, please be my bride
If we're wed, mum's demeanour will soften
Our union she'll bless, and she will not care less
That we've been ‘round the block once too often”

An April date setWindsor Castle? You bet!
But a legal loophole made things sticky
It's a slipp'ry slope, coz they can't just elope
She ain't Rizzo and he's no Kenickie.

So Town Hall was booked; Charlie's goose, surely cooked
Lizzie's gonna have heart palpitations!
It's no palace, sure: but they say “less is more”
We'll just have to tone down celebrations

A two o'clock show- parking behind Tesco*
With a glass of Buck's Fizz on arrival
You'll get to sit down to the sweet reggae sounds
Of The Windsor Bob Marley Revival!!

The cerem'nys done, it's all off to “Lo Fun”
Berkshire's premiere Chinese-ish eatery
Don't sit next to Phil; foreign food makes him ill
And he tells “slant-eye” jokes indiscretely

As guests chew won ton, the conver-sa-ti-on
Takes the form of a blow-by-blow replay
How Charles looked so cute in his powder blue suit
And why Cam purchased her dress on Ebay

A quarter to nine, now it's reception time
At “The Bronx Club”; be late at your peril
There's dancing all night, an occasional fight
And a lounge act named Edmund Fitzgerald

Ed's been on the phone asking celebs to come
There's a Spice Girl or two, Bjork and Robbie
Now William's quite drunk, Harry's acting a punk
Selling cut-price cocaine in the lobby

The best man Andy, who is fairly handy
(On the microphone, he ain't no failure)
Proposes a toast, and ol' Charles he does roast
‘Bout that half naked chick in Australia

Phil's had to much beer, and he's acting real queer
Calling Nelson Mandela an arseh'le
Anne's going for broke with a rough looking bloke
Who's a plumber just down from Newcastle

Camilla's in tears coz that slut Britney Spears
Has been fondling Charlie's Royal Truncheon
Harry's off his head; to the castle he's fled
For a knees-up orgy in the dungeon

The bouquet gets thrown; Andy goes home alone
Coz his efforts at pulling, pathetic
In taxi back seat William's upchucked a treat
From too much tequil-anaesthetic

When legends get broke, British folks have a joke
Coz they all realise what they're getting
When Titanic sank, it was not (let's be frank)
Like the Wreck Of The Latest Royal Wedding!