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Song Parodies -> "The Hack of the Internet Archive"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Hack of the Internet Archive"

Parody Written by:

Belvue McPherson

The Lyrics

Last week, along with a DDOS attack and exposure of patron email addresses and encrypted passwords, the Internet Archive’s website Javascript was defaced, leading them to bring the site down to access and improve the site’s security. As they work on bringing the site back to its original glory, let’s remember this historic site and all of the great content it offered.
The website has gone, from the motherboard on down
Of the site that they call Int’rnet Archive
The server, it’s said, has now been all but dead
When the skies of October turn gloomy
With storage in PB* ninety-nine thousand times more
Though the Internet Archive weighs empty
That archive and true was a feast to be chewed
When the gales of October came early
(*PB = Petabyte - 1024 terabytes, or a million gigabytes.)

The page was the pride of the American side
Used in Kansas, New York Wisconsin
As the big websites go, it was bigger than most
With a Brewster Kahle**; captain well seasoned
Was hacked by some worms with a grudge ‘gainst Brewster’s terms
Palestine, they all say, is the reason,
It happened last week, politics was blamed,
Now we know — user’s emails they’re stealin’,
(**Brewster Kahle is the guy who founded the Internet Archive.)

The hackers one night made a tattle-tale sound
And they gave us an early Halloween
And every man knew, as Brewster Kahle did too
T'was the hack of October come stealin'
It slashed the pages, the uploads had to wait
When the hack of October came slashin'
When afternoon came it gained worldwide fame,
“Internet Archive has gone to the wind!”

When suppertime came, Brewster Kahle came on deck sayin'
"Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya"
At 7 PM, the bad hackers caved in, he said
"Fellas, it's been good to know ya"
The Wayback Machine, it had hackers comin' in
And the good site and crew was in peril
And later that night when the site went outta sight
Came the hack of the Internet Archive!

Does any one know where the archivists go,
When their favorite site’s out for hours?
Some users all say they'd have made Carole’s day,
If they'd seen those old magazine pages of her***
Those looking for lost media on the Archive,
They may have broke down, thrown a tantrum,
And all that remains is the 404 page,
“We’re offline, and we’ll stay off forever!”
(***Old magazine articles of Carole Lombard during her career were available on the Media History Digital Library, which relied on magazine articles posted on the Internet Archive.)

And life still rolls, America sings
As they pray for the Internet Archive
Archivists cry streams, they’ve crushed all their dreams
The 404 pages are dead, man!
And farther below, Lost Media Forum
Cries ‘cause their favorite site is over,
And it’s time to let go as the good folks all know
With the hack of October remembered

To the folks ‘cross the country who knew, let’s pray,
And remember this great, now gone website,
The church bells chime 'til it rings nine trillion times
For each file on the Internet Archive,
The website has gone, from the motherboard on down
Of the site that they call Int’rnet Archive
The server, it’s said, has now been all but dead
So farewell; your 404 came too early!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 1.2
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 15
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 0
 
 5   14
 0
 15
 

User Comments

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Aw, man! - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
I had just downloaded all 39 episodes of the original Mysterious Cities of Gold (1982) series from there too!
Brewster Kahle - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
Old magazine articles of Carole Lombard during her career were available on the Media History Digital Library, which relied on magazine articles posted on the Internet Archive.
* - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
I know you’re all proud of yourself for utilizing some program that allows you to pay tribute to some website that was hacked, but in reality, when you insist on only changing half the words of the OS in an attempt to bring the site back up sooner, you’re just being delusional. I don’t use the Internet Archive, but I would never smear their efforts at bringing to site back to its “former glory” by posting this “parody”. Also, no one cares about the Mysterious Cities of Silver or whatever other stupid $&!? was on that site. I guess the majority’s on to something there.
A buzzard - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
Something this current and we still get references to Carole Lombard? There was only one person on here who was absolutely nuts about her, and I was naively under the assumption he had finally moved on.
Agrimorfee - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
Not a bad parody despite what * says. 445 from me, 5 just for the effort and the devoted knowledge. You could have been a little more broadminded than just being worried about Carole--no shade on her, it's just TOO niche for a general parody. I use IA to hunt for music. I remain hopeful that this is all just a bump in the road.
Bob from Dayton - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
The guy who posted this and the Grandpa Magic crap today is taking off where our beloved G&GBF left off — beating old themes into the ground and copy-pasting old commentary. I will say that he surprised us today by using songs that are more recent than his usual choices, but then again that doesn’t require half the effort of writing a decent parody, which neither of today’s submissions are. As regards Carole Lombard, how many people are there still alive today who saw her when she was 18 years old, showing off a swimsuit or some other scantily-clad dress? I’m guessing less than two. Again, we’re talking about someone whose greatest jerk-off fantasies are geezer ghosts and some talk show host who pretended to be a cowboy as part of some high school graduation ceremony. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Hmm, nobody? Kinda what I thought, too.
Belvue McPherson - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
Ha! Me of all people complaining about “the majority” when you do it every day. I wrote my parody because of the negative reaction surrounding hackers going against the Internet Archive, which also seems to be the consensus on this board. The fact that no one alive today remembers seeing Carole Lombard at 18 years old is irrelevant. If you took as much time to look at her photos from that time than you did to write your comment, you would be excited over her too. There aren’t really any photos of her “showing off” at 16 or 17, so no need to contact Chris Hansen. Besides, I actually parodied songs that people are familiar with. I used the freakin’ Edmund Fitzgerald song, one of the “Big Seven”. Not unlike G&GBF, who was a sackless coward who fixated on subjects only of interest to himself. No one even remembers Gary Whatshisname or that “cowboy hoedown” story anymore, but it’s obvious his catchphrase had a huge effect on you otherwise you wouldn’t be offended by it 24/7. Oh, and both my parodies rock today, and not just because they’re virtually the same thing. Have you gotten desperate enough to throw temper tantrums over the Internet Archive shutting down? That would be hilarious. See you next Tuesday.
Bob from Dayton - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
Keep telling the same grade school joke twice a day. It can only get funnier and your audience’s respect for you will grow exponentially. All I know about the Internet Archive is that it got hacked last week, so I have no interest in anything about it whatsoever, but it’s obvious the shutdown had a huge effect on you otherwise you wouldn’t be throwing a temper tantrum on it via another worthless “parody”. Is you still mad ‘cuz you can’t jerk off to Carole Lombard anymore? There’s still Sally Eilers and Peggy Shannon, so go knock yourself out. Is Parson Belvue McPherson your new identity, spreading the gospel about Gary McNamara and his raging hormones “cowboy hoedown” or the evils of an Ed Wynn impersonator destroying any hope for the future of humanity? Let me guess what your gospel theme song will be. Oh wait, no need, you already parodied that one eight billion times. Not surprising from someone whose favorite song ever is a forgotten novelty song from a century ago. Again, and for the 1,000th time, if Carole Lombard is so attractive to you, why don’t you just join her ASAP? Something tells me she would tell you to kiss her @$$ anyway. Dream on, it ain’t happening.
* - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
^^^^ Way to ruin everyone’s Friday. Again, and for the 1,000th time, if my comments are so banal, why copy them unless you’re incapable of providing anything better? Too stupid to admit the Internet Archive is never coming back?
Belvue McPherson - October 18, 2024 - Report this comment
Thanks for your comments everyone.
The buzzard - October 20, 2024 - Report this comment
Judging by the co-opted user names and copied comment, it looks like our resident retard is back and still striving for the slightest shred of relevance. Anyone who had the misfortune to read his original Grandpa Magic knows exactly what I'm talking about. When Kamala Harris laughs at the stupidity of your post...
Larned Cummings - October 20, 2024 - Report this comment
Judging by the co-opted user names and copied comment, it looks like our resident philosopher is back and still striving for the slightest shred of relevance. Anyone who had the misfortune to read his original commentaries knows exactly what I'm talking about. When Kamala Harris laughs at the stupidity of your post...
Vern Ackular - October 20, 2024 - Report this comment
Way to flex that double-digit IQ. Hey, try this: instead of wasting three minutes of your life to write and post another stupid comment, why not take that time to listen to “R****m S***s”, the song that was an inescapable fixture of this site for months? I hear that listening to it just once will cure you from being offended by me and my topics 24/7. If you listen to it five times it will cure you from being offended by Gary McNamara 24/7, and if you play it 20 times you’ll have a clean bill of health for the rest of your life. Think that 20-watt philosophers brain of yours can accomplish that? Dream on, it ain’t happening. See you next Tuesday.
Abe Buzzard - October 20, 2024 - Report this comment
$&@?! You got me again. What a stupid challenge — bullying me to listen to your tacky, tired tune in the hopes that it will “cure” me from being offended by you 24/7. Let me know if the stupidly of that ever sinks in. As I’ve told you too many times to count, there isn’t a hint of wit in your stupid song. You carpet bombed this song nearly 500 times here and how many positive comments did you get? Less than two. I guess the majority’s on to something there. Show me the “wit and creativity” you claim is inherent in your ‘tard anthem. You can’t, but I can show you at least five things that are wrong with it: 1) The blatant stupidity and hypocrisy of the trite lyrics, which are allegedly the most genius lyrics ever written. Anyone who thinks this song is the stroke of genius should be tested. 2) The fact that you can’t change more than six words from the OS before giving up and moving on to the next variant. Seriously, less than a 1% change and you can’t even make that clever? 3) “Simple as the day is long”. Holy cow, where do I even start? Who the **** thinks that this line is even remotely clever, let anyone genius? The fact that you don’t even bother to change this line from any of your variants of said song is risible. 4) The fact that it’s almost a century old. You couldn’t find anything after that which interested you? I’m guessing you just picked a random song out of some YouTube geezer playlist and you’ve obsessed over it ever since. 5) the almost 500 variations you posted under various pseudonyms and fake song titles in an attempt to get the attention of “Ivy League music historians”. There was at least one week where you posted TWENTY different variations, more than half of which were completely ignored. You even admitted on some board site that the United Nations should make this their official anthem. Not surprising given their inability to come up with anything original on their own. To this date you’ve never given us a rational explanation as to why you posted this song as much as you did with very little difference in variations. And let’s not get into the “reprises” which probably made up at least half of your ‘tard anthem postings. If you’re going to post the same song 500 times, at least have the courtesy to have a different topic for each variant. The sugar-free cake one got posted nearly fifteen times. I could go on, but something tells me you wouldn’t get the point if it slapped you in the face. The fact that this is the best you could do when posting the same old song multiple times each week is lame, even for you. I wouldn’t doubt Weird Al Yankovic could have done it better. Oh, and no I’ll never listen to your stupid song, even at gunpoint. If you like it, it must be a POS.
Bob From Dayton - October 20, 2024 - Report this comment
Endlessly entertaining, like watching your hero die of a brain disorder and wondering how it could have possibly taken so long.
Belvue McPherson - October 21, 2024 - Report this comment
Thanks for your comments.
Bob from Dayton - October 21, 2024 - Report this comment
Why thank me, ‘TardZilla? You copy/pasted them. That might be an impediment when I ask you to show me how I’m “incompetent”.
The buzzard - October 21, 2024 - Report this comment
Interesting to note that George&GermaineBriantFan is still hesitant to post comments under his own name, as if no one can figure it out.

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