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Song Parodies -> "Mayor Lightfoot's Chicago"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Mayor Lightfoot's Chicago"

Parody Written by:

CryHavoc

The Lyrics

My apologies to Gordon but the Mayor of Chicago also is a Lightfoot. I had this parody banging around for a long time and I finally completed it. It is partially an exaggerated Arms Race and partly making fun of the Mayor there. If firearms are essentially illegal to have in Chicago, how is it that the Law Abiding citizens are causing all of the murders there?
Mayor Lightfoot's Chicago

(Sung to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" - Gordon Lightfoot)

This tale vomits forth from the Machines on down
feeding a putrid lake of corruption
Her degradent laws made even Liberals pause
As Chicago caused its own self destruction!
When firearms were banned the thugs said "Hot Damn!"
"Only po-lice now imperil our freedom
When gun prices rose, they imported more of those
So that every day was hunting in season!

The city was the pride of the American side
Well seasoned by graft and corruption
The Anti Gun rant from the lib miscreants
Spelled a need for political unction!
When pistols wouldn't do, the machine guns rang true
followed closely by Lahti's and A-10's
A thuggish fool put a 30 mil through a school
And actually alarmed our nation!

The Stukas did whine with a man firing behind
As World War surplus was waxing...
Next came the 20's; the pols thought it funny)
as they made much mad money by taxing!
Then the 50 BMG was now vaunted you see
Attached to the local Low Riders!
The ripping cloth sounds as they cut each other down
Mayor Lightfoot? We now said "Deride her!"

When the MBT's came Mayor Lightfoot placed blame
"Chicago, it's too rough to lead ya"
At seven PM, a new body count banged in
"Chicago, it's been good to know ya"
The mayor wired in with a partisan grin...
saying most of Chicago's a No Go!
Then a thuggish sort of puke used a tactical nuke..
Inside Mayor Lightfoot's Chicago!!

Does any one know where the sense of pols go
As they hide in their partisan bastions
They'll gladly throw blame but it all sounds the same
and makes as much sense as wet noodle lashings!
Ms. Lightfoot deriding the law abiding
makes as much sense as excessive taxes!
But Chi will have enough of her chiding guff
Then its pitchforks, torches and axes!

Detroit it rusts while NYC sings
In celebration of corruption
St, Louis steams while the East Part it screams
As the murder rate approaches consumption
But naught can go like ol' Chicago
Where votes are found un the river
With Democrats ensconced and a calibrated response..
They' ll take whatever they give her!!

In a musty old church that Chicao besmirched
The bell there was stolen for salvage
The sound of 9's rang with a pop and a bang
For the murders there oh so savage!
This tale vomits forth from the Machines on down
feeding a putrid lake of corruption
Her degradent laws made even Liberals pause
As Chicago caused its own self destruction!

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Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 20

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User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - April 04, 2022 - Report this comment
There are so many murders in Chicago because a former Governor of next-door Indiana weakened that State's gun laws. His name was Mike Pence. "Pro-life," my ass.
Agrimorfee - April 05, 2022 - Report this comment
Parody infers that Lightfoot is responsible for lax gun laws for the city. Not so--that was set before her appointment. Her problem is that she doesn't know how to compromise well with the police in terms of funding or their procedures, let alone compromising with teacher unions and social change advocates who she ran her campaign for (unless they are LGBTQ-focused). I used to think the world of her, but she doesn't follow through on her promises--she is only slightly better than her predecessor, the newly appointed Ambassador to China. :(

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