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Song Parodies -> "With Respect to the Dead One, It's Beryl"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"With Respect to the Dead One, It's Beryl"

Parody Written by:

John Dacey

The Lyrics

With Respect to the Dead One, It's Beryl

Miss Marple has gone, Sherlock’s played his last song
And no more will Poirot wax moustaches
I miss the old sleuths who'd discern lies from truths
Despite the fake beards or eyelashes
Clues found from a thread on a victim now dead
Or cigar ash from some rare tobacco
The game was afoot when the damsel's kaput
Done in by a spy or some whacko

Unfazed by disguises or false alibises
They lived by the Code of Detectives:
With virtue unerring chase ev’ry red herring
But never use oaths or invectives.
Dame Agatha Christie’s plots complex and twisty
We look on with wistful nostalgia
Unlike modern cops who are pretty much flops
When it comes to a grasp of algebra

How Mickey Spillane could tame ev'ry wild dame
We read on with rapt adulation
As each femme fatale would tell Mickey fuck all
But could never resist fornication.
When intrigue ensnarls Nick and Nora Charles
All the suspects came up for a fine meal
By the rule of whodunits they'd solve whose gun it is
That snuffed the chorine in the first reel.

Though we couldn't care less ‘bout that dead heiress
We marvelled how Charlie Chan's mind worked
Ready to disturb with some Chinese proverb
To find where those with motives malign lurked
Not with some tricked-out car or a weapon of war
But armed with his power of deduction
Sorting rich guilty mothers and miffed jilted lovers
From the villains, their bribes, and seduction

On pantheon summits live the gods of whodunits
Righting wrongs with logic's precision
They foiled each vile plot and to swift justice brought
Every rogue plus his moll and his minions
What had first mystified was soon identified
And reckoned by whom to have been felled
T'was the poisoned Bordeaux, and now we all know
With respect to the dead one, it's Beryl.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 2.6
How Funny: 2.6
Overall Rating: 2.6

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   13
 13
 13
 
 2   1
 1
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   9
 9
 9
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Peter Andersson - September 27, 2021 - Report this comment
I have no clue how you came up with the idea, but this one's brilliant! 555! :-)
Phil Alexander - September 27, 2021 - Report this comment
Still bloody marvellous:-) It's a shame you weren't around amiright ten years ago, before the whining snowflake Trumpistas made everything humourless and about them
CML - September 27, 2021 - Report this comment
The way I remember it, it was a gaggle of psychotic left wing trolls who were 100% responsible for all the negativity starting in late 2013, because a hell of a lot of it was directed right at me
Patrick - September 27, 2021 - Report this comment
An interesting and unusual subject.
John Dacey - September 29, 2021 - Report this comment
@Peter A: As I assume is true for many submissions based on the Eddie Fitz, I reverse-engineered the best reconfiguration of the title that I could conjure and then built the rest around that. Sincere thanks for your votes! @Phil A: Thanks very much. It has been a little unsettling to find that the principal inspiration for my lyrics is now the night watchman at a Florida beach resort. So I resolved to see if I was still capable of something completely apolitical. It was not easy — from now on I might just stick to poking fun at the major-domo of Malo-Lago. @CML: I wasn't here in 2013 but I'm sure you must be correct in your assignment of the full, undiluted, complete blame for the malevolent tone here. @Patrick: Thank you for your helpful critique.
Phil Alexander - September 30, 2021 - Report this comment
Oh CML, you sweet, naive snowflake: you got some negative comments on a couple of partisan political parodies in 2013, and you think that was the start of it?

Look at the rest of your output for that year: not a single negative comment.

One of the reasons Bill Tong turned comments off on his parodies about a decade before that was right wing boorishness that he didn't want to deal with; look at my political output in the decade before, and you'll see something similar. However, that was US partisan politics being played out on political parodies, it didn't infect the whole site.

What changed in 2016 more than anything was how emboldened the idiots became: they'd harass anyone they perceived as left-wing (even when the parody itself had nothing to do with politics, or was taking the piss out of democrats... The stupid was burning strong). It's that lack of appreciation for good content combined with a fanatic brainless dedication to spreading manure across the site which is what I am describing and, IMHO, is what caused the change in tenor (and enjoyability) of the whole site.
Peter Andersson - September 30, 2021 - Report this comment
@ Phil: Something happened in the previous decade for sure, on a global scale, and it played out (and continues to play out) different in different countries. Here in Sweden the socialists got back in power in 2014 with the help of the greens, and they are the ones to now "harass anyone they perceive" right-wing; including immigrants, jews, homosexuals and entreprenours - double that if they're women.
CML - September 30, 2021 - Report this comment
Hey, Phil (stamps foot) I wasnt being a snow-FLAKE! I was just trying to show that its not all from the right. C'mon, MA-A-AN! And there was more than one. One of my parodies about Al Gore, entitled "(Something) Albert Manbearpig" received so many grotesque comments that Chuck D removed dozens of them .... And you yourself were beset by the worst commentariat sh*tstorm in Amiright history with your anti anti-GMO parody "Keep em Starving In The Free World". Last time I checked, foaming at the mouth anti-GMO hyperactivists were NOT a significant part of the Trump constituemcy
Agrimorfee - October 01, 2021 - Report this comment
Makes me wistful for the days of Linda Terhune...talk about a triggered right-wing snowflake...
Phil Alexander - October 11, 2021 - Report this comment
Ah, Linda Terhune - the name had escaped me, but yes: the original racist troll who went full on Marjorie Taylor Green (by which I mean utterly insane conspiracies and random yet vicious attacks on anyone she thought might have said something to disagree with her, even when they hadn't), and got so bad that everything from her IP address got wiped from the site. Which took away all the parodies she submitted, the votes she cast and comments from at least a dozen different pseudonyms.

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